Office Pranks

By Toby Hillard

We all know working in an office can be one heck of a hard task, knowing you'd much prefer to be spending a fortnight on holidays sitting in the sun and drinking at odd hours of the day (although, it must be said, many will probably have bosses that seem to take this approach all year round).

So what can you do to make the days of the year roll by just that little bit quicker?

Some may have recieved this email at one point or another, in fact, you might be playing this game right this very moment. For those new, the rules are simple.

The more points you earn - the more beer owed to you from your co-workers at "Friday After Work Drinks".

One Point Dares

• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

• Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

• Walk sideways to the photocopier.

• While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.

• When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

• Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

• Don't use any punctuation.

• Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

• Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three Point Dares

• Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

• Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

• Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

• Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

• Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

• Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.

Five Point Dares

• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

• Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

• For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

• Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

• When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

• After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

• In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

• At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

• Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

• Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.

• During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

• Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

• Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.

• Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".