Interview - A Nest Of Occasionals

By Sean Lynch

Interview with Tony Martin

Comedian and Author of A Nest Of Occasionals | Bonus Interviews: Shaun Micallef |  Santo Cilauro

There are very few comedians within the Australian TV and Radio industry that are as popular and well respected as Late Show and Martin/Molloy star Tony Martin.

With a list of credits which includes countless awards, record breaking ratings and a pre-disposition to using the word "plumbs" - most would think there was little left for the native New Zealander to achieve.

Web Wombat's Sean Lynch caught up with cult comedy hero, Tony Martin, as he embarks on the release of his second book - a unique collection of tales called A Nest Of Occasionals.

Many wondered why you opted for a "Funny Cop Thriller" with Bad Eggs instead of something broader... but your book explains it with your childhood obsession with mysteries and having a Detective Agency.

I would have liked to do more of a Naked Gun style film, but they cost about $50M to do - because you have to build a submarine that's only used in one shot.

So I thought, what's a film that only costs $4M? I remember when Bad Eggs came out, there was a film released the exact same week called National Security with Steve Zahn and Martin Lawrence.

That was described as a "Low Budget Cop Movie", and I looked it up and it cost $45M [Laughs].

So the style and tone and everything about Bad Eggs was determined by the budget.

You've also dabbled with anecdotes online with The Scriveners Fancy, is that essentially "Deleted Scenes" of A Nest Of Occasionals?

The book took a year and a half to write, and The Scriveners Fancy... is all quite topical. It's generally just things that have happened in the last week.

I got asked to write a column for a newspaper and when they read it they decided they didn't want it anymore [Laughs].

And I thought: Well, I quite enjoy doing this, and I have a lot of friends who write prose writing and don't have anywhere to put it up. People like Felicity Ward and Garry McCaffrie, who I don't think have ever been published before in print.

And I thought: Well, I don't want to have my own website - that's too much pressure - I just want to be one of four columnists.

So we just whacked it up there. No one is being paid to write, it's sort of a way of staying fit - writing wise - as it were.

Nest seems more personal than some of the radio anecdotes on Scriveners - how do you decide what suits the book, and what works online?

Basically, A Nest Of Occasionals is a sequel to the book I did earlier called Lolly Scramble. So I sort of wanted to keep within that style. And the problem with writing about radio things is that it's sort of more throw away.

If I was to write about my professional career the way I've written about my real life - I would be sued. I mean, you just can't be that honest.

The most interesting and most relevant stories about my time in radio are all pretty much unpublishable [Laughs].

So the thing about the two books is that I've changed everybody's names, because once you've changed their names you can be completely honest and say exactly what happened. Where as if I was to write more of a show business one, I'd have to simply lie.

I read an article recently with a radio personality about a person who had been sacked from their show, who I know they hated, but in the interview they said: "Losing that person was like losing my right arm".

The problem is that I'd write a book about my time in radio, and when the legal department finished with it, it would only be about 15 pages [Laughs].

A lot of the tales from your youth, and about your family, are quite in depth - was there any point where you thought you shouldn't give away this much information about yourself?

I was quite embarrassed writing a lot of it - and I figured that it was good if I'm feeling like this about it. I must be hitting something I can work with.

Judith Lucy - who is younger than me - but is kind of, in a weird way, a mentor to me in that she sort of leads the charge in turning disastrous and embarrassing personal experiences into comedy.

She did a stage show about her radio experience called "I Failed" [Laughs]. 

So she's kind of a role model in a way... not in the drinking department... but in the comedy department, certainly.

Any word on whether or not the infamous Shaun Micallef / Tony Martin sketch series Mouse Patrol will ever see the light of day?

I certainly hope it wouldn't have been called Mouse Patrol had it gone to air, that sounds like a computer advice program.

I was wanting it to be called Pudding Trolley myself...

So is all that material just gathering dust?

We wrote enough material for three episodes, but Sandra Levy at the ABC didn't like it. But then, she was the woman that said Kath & Kim would never work.

But I think it was the best sketch stuff I've written for TV, but that was five years ago, and so many of the scripts we wrote have started to pop up - and they always go really well.

There was a sketch we did on Get This! called "Slim Shady Snr", and that was the closer of the first episode. There was a thing I did about how you can commit any crime you want in the International High Rollers room at the Casino. We did that on the radio, and that became one of our most popular sketches.

And I noticed a few scripts that Michael Ward and Gary McCaffrie wrote were popping up on Newstopia. And Shaun Micallef, I've now noticed, loves any opportunity to dress up as Caesar Romero as The Joker from TV's Batman. He was a regular character in Mouse Patrol.

So it's funny, because almost everything that's been done from those pilots has killed.

You've always seemed to be the type of guy who is quite strict about the form, formula and format of comedy - is that still the case?

Martin / Molloy was a very scripted show. Obviously the sketches are scripted, but the actual bits in between the sketches were - even though it sounded like me and Mick were just talking off the top of our heads - in most instances we were reading stuff that we'd been writing for that whole day.

There were a few other shows that went down that path after that, and I just think that the "reading out" sound on comedy is a very 90s sound. And [for Get This!] I thought: Well, I don't want to sound like that.

So even though Ed [Kavalee] was kind of a fan of mine - he wasn't overly respectful. So he would point out that I only have about three voices, he'd do that on air and just throw curve balls at me.

So, I think it's actually the opposite, I'm trying to get away from format as I get older.

I was actually reminded of one of your three voices yesterday, for some unknown reason I was watching Nuns On The Run - all I could think of was you doing "Clacker"...

[Laughs] That was, basically, a Scottish Bargearse if I remember correctly. Mick Molloy actually wrote Clacker, I was just the voice of Clacker [Laughs].

You're well known for being a bit of a Movie & TV nerd. Aside from Deadwood, what's the cult classic currently occupying your time?

I like In The Thick Of It and Breaking Bad... but the funniest show I've seen lately is East Bound & Down with Danny McBride playing "Kenny Powers". I just thought that was a pisser.

It's a great show, because basically Danny McBride plays the exact same character in everything he does - but it's always hilarious...

That's the best version of it I think, that show. There's only six episodes, but it's really like a movie that been chopped up into six half hours. Because every episode picks up at the precise moment where there last one ended - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they wrote it as a movie and then decided to do it as a TV show.

What is the most over-rated show on TV then?

The success of Two & A Half Men still mystifies me.

I mean, I mention The Thick Of It and East Bound & Down to people and it's like I'm asking them to go and watch an old Jean-Luc Godard movie.

What was your take on Hey Hey It's Saturday : The Reunion?

I haven't seen it, but I've hear amazingly mixed reports. I've heard people violently opposed to it, and then a number of people saying it was actually quite good. So I don't know...

I'm assuming it was axed for a reason [Laughs].

I did read an interview with John Blackman where he said "We really got taken off air before we were able to finish the job". But I'm there thinking: Weren't you on for 28 years? Surely the job was pretty much completed [Laughs].

Are you worried people will jump on the nostalgia bandwagon and start pestering you for a Late Show reunion?

People have asked us to do that over the years, and I think you do get to an age where you're too old for sketch comedy. Sketch comedy really depends on you having a really two dimensional persona.

I've seen Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie talk about being to old for sketch comedy. I remember seeing John Cleese and Michael Palin on Saturday Night Live doing the "Parrot Sketch" a few years ago - and it was really quite poor.

Because once you know a lot about a person, once you've played yourself - like Michael Palin going around the world with his travel documentaries - it's harder to go back and be a two dimensional sketch comedy character.

So it'll be a bit sad if we ever go back and do The Late Show again, it was very much of it's time.

You're also a big fan of Wikipedia vandalism - what's the best you've seen?

On my page, there is just constant vandalism - which i guess we encouraged ourselves, but someone managed to change my surname for an entire month to "Penis" [Laughs].

I was getting mail at Get This! addressed to "Tony Penis" for quite a while...

Finally, if you could start your own TMZ-style myth or rumour to spread about yourself in the press... what would it be?

I'd like it to be that I actually did play the dad in the TV show Alf for two series...

Did you ever see him in Norm MacDonald's sitcom Norm? Easily one of the funniest and most under-rated sitcom characters in history...

Was he involved in some kind of Crack Den trouble? I'm sure it was something with him - or a dad from another show - was involved in some kind of "Crack" controversy [Laughs].

Well, I just read that Randy Quaid is in trouble with the law - so I wouldn't put it past the Dad from Alf...

Quaid? [Laughs].

Apparently he did a runner from a restaurant, but in the photo of him, he has grown a massive Santa beard [Laughs].

[Laughs] Well hopefully people will move on from "Free Roman Polanski" to "Free Randy Quaid"...

I'm hanging out for the inevitable Made-For-TV-Movie version of it...

[Laughs] Would he play himself? Or maybe Dennis Quaid could just put on a lot of weight and play him...

Well I hope that when they play the story on the news, to illustrate it, they just cut to the clip of him from Christmas Vacation going "Shitters Full" [Laughs].

A NEST OF OCCASIONALS is out now through Pan Macmillan