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Set in 10000 BC (obviously), the flick transports us back to a time
when man and beast were untamed and the mighty mammoth (essentially Sesame Street's Snuffolupocus with tusks) roamed the earth. A time where "wise elders" beliefs were taken as fact, and mythology was born.
There
is a story thrown, rather forcefully, into proceedings - as we trek
along with a young hunter (Steven Strait, he of dreadlocks, muddy face,
yet strangely well groomed goatee beard) on his quest to lead an army
across a vast desert. On the way he must battle saber tooth tigers,
prehistoric predators in the form of enormous dodo/chickens, as well as
unearthing a whole swag of lost civilizations... and of course, this is
all in an attempt to rescue the woman he loves (Camilla Belle).
Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow)
is by no means clean of cinematic sins. Much like Michael Bay, he's
pretty much a 'Style Over Substance' sort of director. However, as
we've come to realise, that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes a
no-brainer spectacle is all we really need on a Friday night. However, 10,000 B.C is so far wide of the mark - it's upsetting, because its such a waste of a cool concept.
The major problem here (and there are many), is plain and simple: not enough of the visuals the trailer so brazenly promised.
Storyline,
character development, depth - all things which we can quite easily
forgive for being absent from a film which was likely pitched in one
sentence. But lack of action and prehistoric monsters? That's nigh
unforgivable!
From all accounts, I went in expecting a friggin zoo of history, full of crashing, crunching and blood, I wanted The Lost World: Jurassic Park
- that's what our good friend the trailer promised! And what's the
reality? About 15 minutes in total of CGI, which one can only assume
was inter spliced from VHS copies of the poorer spin-off series' of the
BBC's Walking With Dinosaurs.
It
seems the one time the audience would be quite ready and willing to
bypass a storyline in favour of action, Emmerich has inexplicably
attempted to inject some form of substance. But he does that so poorly
(how actors can be told to speak like monosyllabic cavemen... and still
come off as bad actors is beyond me) - he's left with little else to
impress.
The rare moments we do actually get to see some action,
it's somewhat anti-climactic. There's simply nothing new on offer which
we have seen before. Peter Jackson and Spielberg set benchmarks with
creatures of the past in King Kong and Jurassic Park - so more than a decade on, you really have to bring your A-Game.
And
sadly, we are stuck with more storyline (for some reason half the flick
is wasted revealing the creation of Pyramids) and forced romance (how a
ten year old can talk of love and the stars after meeting a girl for
three seconds is pushing is slightly) than three or four Emmerich
flicks squished together.
It's not tough to berate a Roland
Emmerich flick for being kind of crap. But, generally, they are crap in
that 'Popcorn-So-Bad-They're-Good' sort of way. 10,000 BC is kind of crap - be even worse - it's a tad boring as well.
A dated film which could have been vastly improved by taking advantage of the new Beowulf 3D technology now available, sadly meaning 10,000 B.C would have worked much better had we seen 10 years earlier.... DVD EXTRAS
For a film that lacks more substance that Paris Hilton's brain, it's
at least good to see that a little bit of effort has been put into the
DVD release.
Included here are a bunch of featurettes including
"A Wild and Wooly Ride" which discusses how the film makers brought
prehistory to the screen, and "Inspiring an Epic" which looks at how
real history influenced story and design elements (althought, even
those talking in it seem to realise they are spinning a whooooole bunch
of crud!).
Also thrown on for good measure is some additional scenes and an alternate ending.
A suitable distraction from the world outside your loungeroom... but not a particularly good one.
Conclusion:
Movie 30% Extras: 50%
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