If Hollywood hadn't figured that out after his previous "Star Vehicles" and "Rap Career" - then the woefully bad 12 Rounds will most certainly keep John Cena in the ring where he belongs for a long, long time.
The flick follows the muscle bound WWE champ as New Orleans Police Detective Danny Baxter.
When
Baxter stops a brilliant Irish thief, Miles Jackson, from getting away
with a multi million dollar diamond heist, Jackson's girlfriend is
accidentally killed.
Exactly one year later, this criminal
mastermind escapes from prison and sets about on his revenge, taunting
Baxter with a series of near impossible puzzles and tasks.
Twelve to be exact...
Twelve (unexplained boxing themed) rounds Baxter must complete in order to save the life of his fiancee.
On paper, 12 Rounds sounds like a perfectly serviceable (if not slightly lame) action-thriller which mixes a little bit of Blown Away with a dash of Speed.
Yet
somehow the mix of an embarrassing low "Straight to DVD" looking
budget, "Year 12 Media Video" quality acting, and the fact that
director Renny Harlin insists on filming John Cena constantly running
(despite the fact the guy is so hilariously "ripped" that running makes
him look like a wombat fearing for it's life) makes 12 Rounds nothing short of a joke.
Not
a funny joke either - more so one of those jokes that the guy in your
office that nobody likes tells... the one you laugh at politely before
pretending to answer an imaginary phone call.
Credit where credit is due though.
Aidan
Gillen (despite a fairly dodgy Irish accent that comes and goes)
delivers the closest to a real performance as the evil Miles Jackson,
while Renny Harlin does deserve a pat on the back for making the film
look and feel much more epic and expensive than it really is.
But
John Cena's lack of anything that remotely resembles talent - teamed
with the fact that his cop suit (which looks like it is about to burst)
makes him look like a stripper - ultimately makes 12 Rounds lose any semblance of quality.
Excuse my grammar - but 12 Rounds is a film that is incredibly terrible. That is, 12 Rounds is so terrible it is truly incredible.
There
is a reason Hulk Hogan quit the acting game, there is a reason The Rock
has a #1 Box Office hits - and there is a reason John Cena should never
be seen in Hollywood again... and that is 12 Rounds. DVD Special Features
Knowing very well that this flick is bound to make a mint on DVD thanks to a devoted WWE crowd, 12 Rounds has quite a reasonable number of special features on offer here.
Included
is a commentary by writer Daniel Kunka and actor John Cena, featurettes
on the stunts, a fairly lame gag reel, plus alternative endings with
bonus commentary.
It almost makes up for one terrible, terrible movie.
Conclusion:
Movie 10% Extras: 60%
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