Well, for starters, hiring James Corden and Mathew Home (from Channel Seven's completely ignored UK sitcom Gavin & Stacy) was probably not a great move.
This might have been seen as a vehicle to turn the duo into big-screen stars in much the same way as Shaun of the Dead
did for Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, but a better vehicle for Corden and
Home's talents would be the next truck heading for the nearest
tip.
They are not all that funny, they are not
particularly charismatic, and they are not people that can make a crap
script and bad dialogue worth watching.
Secondly, if
your title promises "Lesbian Vampires", then it helps to actually deliver
on that promise in a way that involves something more than the
occasional "girl on girl" over clothes grope.
Apart from a
brief glimpse at the very beginning, this is a nudity free zone -
which, to be fair, wouldn't automatically be a bad thing if the movie
had anything else at all on offer.
But it doesn't.
The
comedy doesn't work and continues to not work every chance it gets, the
vampire scenes aren't scary, the action is lame, the acting is crap
from everyone but a slumming Paul McGann, and the whole thing relies
entirely on suggesting a decent idea - a horror comedy with a hefty
dose of sexiness - and then hoping you will be so fixated on how cool the
idea is that you won't notice how pathetic the execution is turning out
to be.
This follows the Ralph magazine approach right
down the line.
Every single thing on offer can be easily found
elsewhere and done much better, but if you want it all mixed up
into an easily digestible flavourless slurry then Lesbian Vampire Killers is presumably
what you have been waiting for. DVD Special Features
Hoping that Lesbian Vampire Killers
becomes a cult hit on DVD (because, sure as hell, no one bothered to
see it when it briefly screened in cinemas) the producers have packed
the DVD release full of extras and special feature goodies.
Included
here are a bunch of featurettes including "Res-Erection: Bringing LVK
to Life", an Audio Commentary with Director Phil Claydon, Webisodes,
"Fletch-Meister (Fletch's World of Wisdom)", "Whores of F**king Hades
(Swear Reel)", plus a trailer and a truly odd Music Video.
Conclusion:
Movie 20% Extras: 60%
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