So statements claiming that watching Mark Wahlberg's latest piece of garbage will inflict Max Pain
on the viewers are pointless and serve no purpose what so ever. They
won't win me favour with the studio's valuable advertising dollars,
they won't get the Wombat's name up in lights - and it sure as hell
won't get me any closer to a job that isn't Internet based.
... That said, it is a fun way to pass the time:
"It's PAYNEful to watch"
"It's crap... TO THE MAX"
"Here comes the PAYNE TRAYNE"
"PAYNE in the arse"
"Credibility MAXed out"
"No Gain, Plenty of PAYNE"
"... This movie is shit"
OK... that last one might not work.
Based on the legendary, hard-hitting interactive video game, Max Payne
tells the story of a maverick cop (... so I'm guessing this will be a
favourite of Sarah Palin then... ) determined to track down those
responsible for the brutal murder of his family and partner.
Hell-bent
on revenge, his obsessive investigation takes him on a nightmare
journey into a dark underworld. As the mystery deepens, Max (Wahlberg)
is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world and face an
unthinkable betrayal.
To
be honest, there are a few positives to come out of the film (besides
yet more affirmation that Mila Kunis has the ability to make me both
speechless and pants happy any time she is on screen) most notably, the
fact that Max Payne never pretends to be anything other than it is.
On paper - and in movie trailers and posters - Max Payne looks and sounds like it might just be about the coolest movie to hit screens since Sin City. In fact, Payne takes quite a few tips from the Rodriguez hit, with the comic book visuals and melodramatic tone executed excellently.
But it's there that the similarities end.
Most
action-loving punters will fork out their hard-earned expecting some
cool stunts and some pretty blatant acts of violence. After all, this
is a movie about a man wanting revenge, based on a game where the aim
is to... well... kill people.
Yet, there just seems to be a
total lack of anything slightly exciting happening here. Heck - we join
the action three years after the murder of Max's wife... and he's
sitting at a desk.
What the hell have you been doing all that
time Maxy? It's been three years and you're no closer to finding the
killer? Did we miss the first few fun months where you went through and
blasted away every scum ball that crossed your path? Is that all it is
- a poor lack of timing on our behalf? Too busy collecting your vast
array of black turtleneck tees, perhaps?
You kind of get the
feeling that Fox Studios (who have had a terrible run this year, thanks
largely to their need to take creative control away from the writers
and directors and re-cut everything themselves, a la Babylon A.D.) are responsible for the lack of excitement here.
The
film is woefully and quite obviously toned down. There are also some
glaringly obvious moments throughout the film where you just know a
good two or three scenes have been given the snip (with plot
points, character motivations and characters themselves just popping up
randomly and non-sensically).
Hell - at one point Max has a child referenced all of a sudden in a flashback, despite the fact that in an earlier flashback... of the same flashback... there is no baby to be seen.
It's just a sloppy piece of work all round.
It's a shame too, because there is so much potential with Max Payne.
There is a very cool cast assembled (although, it must be said Chris
O'Donnell looks like he has been chowing down on nothing but donuts
since Batman & Robin),
the shooting style is excellent (it almost looks like they have taken
frame for frame shots from a comic book) and the plot - although fairly
flimsy and non sensical - does give scope for plenty of potential gun
battles.
I might have to wait until the
"Directors Cut" hits DVD to at least see if a non-censored version
delivers the sort of potential that is hinted at.
But as it currently stands - Max Payne is nothing short of PAYNEful.
DVD EXTRAS
There was part of me that hoped that the reason Max Payne
sucked so badly was because the folks at the studio had put their
grubby hands on it and taken any "awesomeness" and thrown it in the
garbage.
Even with an "Uncut" version - the movie still is as bland as one of those "salt free" premium crackers.
There are some more deleted and extended scenes here, but nothing at all to write home (or on the internet) about.
Conclusion:
Movie 30% Extras: 50%
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