Like the shitty Saw
sequels that have become an annual cinematic event for the dimish, the
yearly piss-take-of-everything-that-came-out-the-year-before draws the
common man in like Lindsay to a rehab centre – and nobody can really
tell you why!
And unlike rehab, you definitely don't walk away feeling cleansed.
It is
definitely not the humour (there are next to no laughs in any of these
movies); it is definitely not the performances (there is a good reason Carmen
Electra has never stood on a podium) and well, it is definitely not the
spot-on lampooning of films and TV (Sure, there are one or two scenes
that work – for instance, in Meet the Spartans
the piss-take on loopy Britney Spears and her frightening style of
child rearing) so what drug are theatre owners offering with every
ticket purchased to these pieces of shit?!
Meet the Spartans,
for all of its 65 minutes (I shit you not, take out the credits and it
goes for just over an hour! There should be a god damn rule against
making movies so short!), attempts to extract the comedy out of last
year’s epic CGI hit 300.
All
the obvious gags are here – the latent homosexuality, the twists on the
rousing speeches, the sexy wife, the all-too-obvious traitor and of
course the freakish-looking enemy (in this case, “The fat guy from Borat”,
as one character announces).
And then there is the stuff that
"doesn't-fit-but-we'll-just-throw-it-in-anyway" like the Paris Hilton
gag, the Grand Theft Auto sequence, the-wife-turns-into-Venom scene, the nod to reality TV shows like America’s Next Top Model and American Idol and the intolerable and never-ending dance-off between the two fighting armies - You Got Served style.
Remember when spoof movies use to actually be good? Inspired? Funny? It wasn’t that long ago.
Yes, Flying High remains the ultimate in big-screen lampoons – we still quote lines from it! Can you even remember a line from Date Movie?
The Wayans' brothers had us busting a gut with their original (I stress
'the original' because the sequels were about as funny as Meet the Spartans; ironically, Flying High director David Zucker directed the last couple of sequels) Scary Movie. It was a corker. When did the genre go from undeniably fun to intolerably painful?
There is a much better way to spend 65 minutes than with the Spartans – like, for instance, ironing that big pile of clothes that has been sitting on your sofa for the week.
They will be back... Lord help us all! DVD EXTRAS with Sean Lynch
To try and pump out a few extra copies, not only have we been served up with a Meet The Spartans : Uncut
edition... but there are also a slew of useless extras which I
challenge anyone to sit through having endured the previous 60 odd
minutes of the feature film.
There are two Featurettes, Cast and
Crew Commentary, Gag Reel Outtakes, Eight music clips - plus a "Know
Your Spartans" Pop Culture Set Top Trivia Game (I think this is the
game the writers played before putting pen to script).
Just terrible!!
Conclusion:
Movie 10% Extras: 50%
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