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Next is junk. Flat out, no questions asked, "Would you like me to throw that out with last nights scraps" junk!
Could
it be Nicolas Cage? Could it be Jessica Biel's complete inability to
act? Could it be the woeful script and dialouge? Or what about the CGI
which looks like it was made using a Super Nintendo? There are simply
to many questions that need to be answered - the major one being: How
stupid do the folks who actually forked over cash to see Next
(and there weren't too many, the flick made only $18M in the USA, and
$31M worldwide) feel for actually wasting their hard earned on this
junk?
The even more depressing thing is that Next is actually a pretty cool concept for a flick, which makes it so upsetting that the creators got it so very wrong.
Based on the the Phillip K Dick short story "The Golden Man" (Hollywood has really been unkind to Dick, with A Scanner Darkly and Blade Runner being the only of his stories which haven't been cinematically raped), Next
stars Nicolas "At Least I Believe This Is My Real Hair & That's All
That Really Matters" Cage as Cris Johnson, a man with the ability to
see two minutes into the future.
Sick of the examinations he
underwent as a child and the interest in his powers by the
government, Johnson lies low as a Las Vegas magician, performing cheap
tricks and living off small-time gambling winnings (yep, it seems
he has a concious about cheating at cards!). But when a terrorist group
threatens to detonate a nuclear device in Los Angeles, government agent
Callie Ferris (Moore) must use all her skills to capture Cris and
convince him to help her stop the catastrophe.
Now, Cage I can
understand signing onto this. The guy has put his name on more turkey's
than Steggles - but Julianne Moore? Come on! The lady is actually
capable of a decent performance, but it's become quite apparent in the
last few years that she's more than willing to take a few credibility
blows in favour of a paycheck (The Forgotten, Hannibal).
And here, she almost seems embarrassed to be spurting out the dialouge
(which may very well have been written by the coked up six-year-old
daughter of the Gaffer) - as she should be.
There's just too
many problems to deal with here. Once you finally get past the
weirdness of Cage's genetically modified face, you soon begin to
realise that there is about as much chemistry between Cage & Beil
as there is between a Catholic Priest and anyone over the age of five.
It really is that creepy.
Cage
just stares at her (it's either that, or he is actually just having
trouble moving his facial muscles after all the Boxtox) and
occasionally spurts some random facts (I don't know about you, but the
last time anyone hooked up with a stranger by simply quoting facts off
the top of Carlton Draught caps...well, that's never happened!). As for
Beil, while I'm not completley familiar with any of her other work, I
know she is certainly capable of more than what she offers here
(besides a hot bod, of course. Sizzling!). But in terms of artistic
ability - I've seen better auditions for Neighbours.
People
certainly won't rent this out with high expectations - let's face it -
it's become increasingly apparent that there's a large audience out
there that literally has no issue with forking out for Cage's junk (Ghost Rider, National Treasure).
And on the same token, I must point out, that I have no issue with "Bad
Movies". There are plenty of flicks which are "Guilty Pleasures" (Batman Forever), "So Bad They're Good" (Commando), "Cheesy But Likeable" (Love Actually) - but Cage really is delivering some under developed junk, even by popcorn movie standards. (Ghost Rider and Windtalkers are the only films I've ever stopped watching and felt cheated of my time...Next is next in line).
I wish there were some positives to take out this experience (the second last sequence is pretty interesting), but Next really is just a really cool idea with no additional thoughts put into it. Use some foresight, and avoid at all costs...
EXTRAS
Even
the extras are shite! And again, I don't mean that there's not enough
included or it's cheaps - it's all just been executed so terribly.
There
are several featurettes tacked on here, which are worth the DVD
purchase price alone - if only to see how moronic Nicolas Cage really
is. Seriously, the guy comes off as a complete brain-dead fool (the
Mike Moore of the movie world).
Keep an eye out for how
impressed Cage is with his own "ideas" which he's contributed to the
film, as well as the phrase "I've always wanted to be a magician - it
wasn't in the script - but I really liked that idea" delivered in a way
that almost suggests that Cage can't believe someone wouldn't put in such a stupid character trait into the script in the first place.
There's
also a fun little drinking game to be had with your mates: take a shot
every time anyone on screen tries to include the phrase "Supernatural",
"Action", "Paranormal" or "Romance" into their interviews.
It makes me angry even thinking about it!! Let us never speak of Next again! Conclusion:
Movie 5% Extras: 10%
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