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It’s
a far cry from the TV show, where nobody ever really got hurt. It’s not
just banners that divide the two factions of Transformers, as the giant
space robots demonstrate starkly different philosophies on leadership
succession. Jacked up in a workshop, Prime’s last words induce the
Autobots to weep, as he chooses the most boring apparatchik from his
ranks. Ambitious Decepticon 2IC Starscream hurls the ailing Megatron
out the side of a space shuttle.
They handle death differently,
too. The new Autobot leader absorbs The Matrix of Leadership, a glowing
orb of accumulated wisdom and transcendent goodness. Megatron gets
scooped up by a giant living, carnivorous planet, the embodiment of all
evil in the universe. Absorbed and re-created by Unicron’s cybernetic
necromancy, the new-and-improved Galvatron leads an armada of evil
space hovercraft to smite all who’ve wronged him.
So, the stage
is set. And what a play! Light on techno-babble and big on hyperbole,
the warring factions hurl insults that sting like lasers. In-jokes,
referential gags, political correctness, and other forms of narrative
flab are thin on the ground, freeing up room for lines like “Pathetic
fool! There’s no escape!” and “Prepare for extermination!”.
In
his final battle with Hot Rod, Galvatron chokes the impetuous youngster
as he monologues, “It’s a pity you Autobots die so easily, or I might
have a sense of satisfaction now.”
For the Autobots, their
odyssey takes them deep into the wilderness: to an ocean world plagued
by Sharkticons, and a planet of junk populated by Junkticons. The
leader of these scrappy robots, voiced by Eric Idle, speaks in a pidgin
English gleaned from TV commercials. Their first, confused encounter
runs to the tune of ‘Dare To Be Stupid’ by Weird Al Yankovic. The
soundtrack is otherwise made up entirely of mid-’80s hair rock. As
ridiculous as all this sounds, for young, male children of the era, Transformers The Movie was a perfect storm of aspirational consumerist catharsis; an entertainment orgasm for the pre-pubescent.
The voice acting is top-notch. Exemplary, really. Orson Welles, the director/star of Citizen Kane,
is memorable as Unicron. Leonard Nimoy also puts in a fine performance
as the tormented Galvatron, and Casey Kasem gets a chance to reprise
his role as the diminutive yet energetic Cliffjumper. Top marks all
round.
The contrast between this old movie and Michael Bay’s new
one is stark. The live action film is mainly about the humans.
Actually, in light of the minimal characterisation, it would be more
accurate to say it mostly has humans in it; the robots are aliens,
outsiders. The new film isn’t really about anything, and that’s part of
the reason why it’s terrible. The original is mostly about the
Transformers, with a minimal human presence (Spike, and his young son)
to keep up appearances. Within that framework, it covers the practical
differences between right and wrong, the evils of bigotry, the true
nature of heroism, and the importance of fighting injustice wherever it
is found. The new one’s mostly about getting laid.
As to this
film fossil, its value is tied to nostalgia. Viewing from an outsider’s
perspective is possible, and maybe even enjoyable – madcap as it all
is, the story holds together. Viewers doped up on nostalgia will get a
lot more out of it. Newcomers can expect a movie that’s utterly unique.
EXTRAS
The production quality of this release can only be described as
‘lavish.’ Two different digitally remastered versions are included:
anamorphic and full-screen. Each resides on its own disc.
A
wealth of period TV ads are included, both for the movie and the toys
themselves. The ads created for the Japanese market in particular are
hilarious; they’re just the American ones dubbed over. The faces of all
the kids have been digitally obscured – presumably there was no
practical way to hunt them down and get their permission. Or maybe they
were just saving them the embarrassment. Either way, these creepy,
faceless children serve as a stark warning of the wilful uniformity
that consumerism encourages.
The alternate scenes are another
eye opener. We got the ‘International Version’ in Australia, so you may
not believe your ears when you hear Spike say the S-word. Yes! The film
is set in the near future of 2005, after all. Once a teenaged character
for viewers to identify with, Spike’s all grown up now, and fighting
with the Autobot forces. Grown-ups are perfectly entitled to drop the
odd profanity when their bid to blow up an entire moon to kill a
planet-eating monster goes wrong.
But wait, there’s more!
Interviews, commentaries, deleted scenes, a music video of the theme
song, bonus episodes and more besides round out the selection; there’s
a lot to watch. The case is even lined with a deluxe reversible cover
with two different artworks – one commissioned especially for this
release. Great stuff! Conclusion:
Movie 70% Extras: 80%
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