In
my defense, I explained in great detail that my review was totally
justified... when considered in terms of it's rating for it's specific genre.
You see, Four Holidays was not, and never will be, Schindlers List. But it wasn't trying to be either.
But when you held Four Holidays up against something in a similar Christmas Caper vein, like Christmas With The Kranks or The Santa Clause - it was actually quite good fun... A "Four Wombat" movie you might even say.
And to be honest - I was pretty damn happy with this answer. All
of a sudden, I had opened my reviewing world up!
Now a Will Ferrell
movie could quite happily be a Five Star movie, just as a Meryl Streep
drama could also be awarded Five Stars.
Not when compared to each other - but when compared to a similar genre.
But the smile was wiped off my face as soon as the first glossy reels of Twilight began to roll. All of a sudden, my flawless system of fair reviewing was being put to the test.
As much as I love the idea of it, and as much as the cynical Buffy nerd inside of me wanted to enjoy Twilight... there was not a single redeemable feature I could find about the film.
Every element of Twilight seemed utterly laughable to me:
The ridiculously over the top performances The fact it took half the movie for the lead character to figure out her crush was a vampire The lack of continuity with movie Vampire folklore (gold dust anyone?) The non-sensical erratic wavy movements of the camera Gravity defying hair The fact that Kristen Stewart sounds like she is getting a colonoscopy in the middle of each sentence she struggles to spurt out
... and of course... Those "brooding stares".
I'm not kidding I actually laughed out loud at several points.
I
turned to my side, to share a knowing smile of "how lame is this"
with my trusty "movie nerd" girlfriend, only to see one of the most
frightening sights in my life.
She was utterly fixated on the screen... and the thing is, she wasn't the only one.
I
looked around the entire cinema, peered at every single woman - all of
whom shared the same fixated-on-the-screen facial expression as my gal.
It was like a scene out of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, where people just stop in the streets and stare blankly towards the sky.
What the hell was I missing?
Even
I can appreciate a "Teen Hottie" or a "Total Hunk", I'll even happily
admit to being sucked in by the on screen romance of even the cheesiest
of formulaic rom-coms. But... this?
What was everyone staring at?
It
wasn't until the film finished did the hypnotic stare wash off the
faces of the females in the room. As we left the cinema my girlfriend
finally uttered her first words word since the credits had started to
roll:
"I have never been more sexually excited by a movie in my life"
Yep
- I was pretty floored too... if only because it totally destroys any
pre-conceived notions I had about my own efforts within the
relationship for the last four years.
However, since that screening, it seems she isn't the only one.
The
books were a phenomenon, the obsession for the characters, the
obsessions for the actors, the lining up and pre ordering of this very
dvd (in some instances, months ahead of time just to get a free Twilight tote bag) the obsession with the "damsel in distress"
story - it seems to be a universal feeling of love and lust emanating
from pretty much any human with ovaries.
In all seriousness, there is something about the Twilight
story and mythology which is quite fun and exciting. In fact, the
second half of the film does start to find it's legs and shows a
glimpse of how good the film could be.
And as much as I want to hate Twilight for instilling a feeling of male inferiority (seriously... if even I'm
not pale enough to be considered "Vampire Sexy" something is seriously
wrong) you get the feeling that with a bit of fine tuning it's sequel, New Moon, could be pretty damn cool.
So did I like it - No.
Did I "get it" - No.
But
you know what, at the end of the day, 25 million teenage book readers
and $200 million worth of American teen girl movie goers and DVD buyers - plus my own
girlfriend - can't be wrong.
So, I guess, according to my flawless idea of genre movie ratings... Twilight is the DVD movie event of the year.
DVD EXTRAS
There is plenty here to keep the girls happy and amused on the two-disc edition of Twilight.
If you hunt around, most stores have some special deals and gifts that
come as a part of the package if you order from them... so one can only
assume that will take a bit of research on your behalf.
Included
here is an Audio commentary by director Catherine Hardwicke (who has
since been given the flick as director of the sequels) plus stars
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
Also tossed in are a bunch
of Music videos by the likes of Muse, Paramore and Linkin Park, plus a
swag of extended scenes, behind the scenes documentaries, as well as
some interesting footage from the launch of Twilight at Comic-Con.
For fans, not a bad little package, for a pretty bad little movie.
"Teen Girls With Crushes On Pale Skinned Grumpy Looking Boys" Conclusion:
Movie 95% Extras: 70%
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