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It's All on Around the World .
You know how there are some mornings when you hear of a bazillion
weird and wonderful things going on all over the place and
you just know things are going to be right with the world.
Take this morning, for instance. The Internet news is abuzz
with amazing tales like:
- The Indonesian transvestite who tried to give himself
by bigger breasts and ended up killing himself when he injected
silicoine into his chest. There's a line for I bet he feels
a right ... but we won't.
- Or how about the Jordanian dog that had been trained to
deliver a chap's love letters to his girl, but was intercepted
and stoned to death by her conservative family.
- Or the groups of haemorrhoid sufferers who are travelling
to a small church in Portugal so they can bare their afflicted
botties at Saint Goncalo. Apparently the sainted one can
cure the condition (although there are church-side stalls
with ultra-soft babies wipes) as well as pimples. Aside
from the mental picture cracking me up, so to speak, I also
find the local custom of exchanging a penis-shaped cake
with your boyfriend/girlfriend a bit of a hoot.
Closer to home we have James (I'm single but bloody rich)
Packer and Tom (I'm sorta single and even bloody richer) Cruise
catching up in NZ. The guys, neither of whom has fared well
being married to gorgeous and talented women, will no doubt
be cracking the odd Moet or Grange and settling in to watch
the America's Cup yachting off Kiwiland. I wonder what the
conversation would be like.
Tom: "Hi James, let's stay off the subject of babes
and talk about stuff we really know. Know of any good investments?"
James: "Well Tom, have you seen any good movies lately?"
But the absolute winner for me has to be the tale of long-lost
loves that I heard while driving the Pink Morris (and come
on send us some more Grumpy Travel Tales) into work in the
early hours.
The ABC and other good news organisations had stories on
the fact that old Robert (he of the Mad Cows Disease fame)
Moogabe may flee strife-and-famine torn Zimbabwe and go for
exile.
Of course the brutal scumbag - who has lead his nation to
the brink of catastrophe with a possible 6 million Zimbabweans
facing starvation in a country that had been the bread basket
of Africa - needs a place to stay.
Now, my place is out - there's no room for his security officials
- so where do you reckon he would go?
Iraq? No a bit hot at the moment.
North Korea? Safer, but not as much fun.
How about a little church in Portugal? No, maybe not.
So, if you cuddle up closer to the screen I'll whisper it.
"Malaysia."
Yup old Moogabe is going to cosy up with our favourite lad
of the north Mahathir Mohammad and you'd have to love the
sort of team they'd make. When they are not releasing mad
cows, or slagging off us good fellows, they'd be running farmers
off their land, jailing opposition leaders, and generally
having the time of their lives.
Oh well, guess I'll call off my planned pop-in on old Ma
Mo. I can give him a good bitch-slapping if he gets stroppy,
but Moogabe's got those mad eyes and that damn silly little
moustache. Sorta reminds me of someone ...
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
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