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A look at the polls

Look we all know that politicians have their heads up their own backsides - or those of important people if they need to - but since when have they become gods?

According to Labor, their top gun Big Kim Beazley has given up any pretence of worldly limits and has promised to cut Australia's rate of death from cancer.

That's right. Vote Labor, lessen your chances of the Big C killing you off. Now that is a promise I can vote for!

To keep this election pledge, Labor is going to spend $322 million on more research, education, prevention and treatment.

One of the nifty little suggestions was a do-it-at-home bowel cancer test. That'll be a hit at the home's weekly shindigs, we can all sit round, pass the parcel and work out who's safe and who's not.

Now while it all sounds fine and dandy what I want to know is - where's the guarantee of drop in deaths?

I mean, didn't the previous Labor government promise workers a tax cut - spelt LAW, according to Paul Keating - and we ended up with no money in the pocket but extra superannuation instead? Tax cuts spelt LORE more like.

And wasn't it Bob Hawke who promised that by 1990 no Australian child would live in poverty? Well, I reckon he made a bit of a booboo on that one, because it's going on 12 years later and, as far as I can see, there are still too many kids suffering in that distressful state.

So, Kimbo, here's to your iron-clad guarantee that your marvellousness can knock off the Big C. I hope it can, because if you become Prime Monster I'll be calling on you every day checking up on the death rates.

Maybe we can have a cuppa? Or a game of pass the home bowel cancer test?

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com