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Back in the Land of Oz ...
Stuff me! I'm back from an extended overseas break and am
utterly exhausted by what has been going on.
There I was supposed to be relaxing at a nudist surf beach
in the Land of the Long White Shroud - being careful where
I plonked my sun-tan cream - when over my cleverly concealed
radio came the news that former Test cricketer David Hookes
was dead.
I thought what? Had someone bowled a bouncer at him? Then
I heard it was after an incident at a nightclub and for legal
reasons we will say no more. Other than it's a bloody disgrace.
I had to keep my presence in New Zealand secret as the human
pitt bull Helen Paintbrush Clarke has been sending agents
out to try to track me down.
Seems the Kiwi Prime Monister with a penchant for forgery
has got a bit pissed off at my comments and has given orders
for me to be shot on sight. Could be worse, I guess, I may
actually have to sit down and listen to her carp on in those
dulcet tones of hers.
Anyway, I got a bit of a liking for the old Kiwis while over
there and some of their food is just sensational. Green lipped
mussels being the current favourite, although washed down
with a bot or two of fine Aussie vino.
Their driving, however, leaves a lot to be desired as they
have a liking for overtaking on corners and on blind crests.
Shame, as the roads are superb and are perfect for driving
on. Some of our asphalt layers could learn a hell of a lot
by seeing how good country roads can be!
And they have signs up warning of speed cameras in the area
of operation. It seems the Kiwis haven't followed us down
the revenue-raising path to the same extent.
Still, the Kiwi accents are as awful as ever. Just when in
the hell are they going to realise that not every vowel is
said the same way?
Oh well, that's about it for the moment. I've got a packet
of frozen pineapple lumps to indulge and not even the tender
ministrations of Matron can sway me from my path of pogging
out big-time.
It's good to be back!
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
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