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Those Beautiful Banks...

I know that from time to time uninformed people tend to take a big stick to our ginormous banks and give them a heck of a whacking over the amount of profit they make.

A billion dollars profit for six months here, a couple of billion there … and yet uninformed people are not impressed with the banks as they provide financial bedrock for our society.

Look what the banks do. They provide safe depositories for our money. Allow us access to it almost all the time - although there is a slight charge every time you touch your money - and if you want to pop down to the bank for a bit of a chat you can spend hours in queues talking to the person next to you.

And the tellers, who it has to be said look more an endangered species than orange-bellied parrots, are ever so nice and have had it beaten in to them to make sure they ask every customer: "Why not trying electronic banking?".

You can see the pain in their eyes as their wonderful employers get them to slit the throats of their futures and then force them to smile as they do it.

Now, I've got a lot of time for my bank - and thank goodness, because I spend at least four hours in a line every time I visit - they make me proud to be Australian. Yup, me helping to sponsor my bank has made it a financial giant and secures the future for all Australians.

Well, that's according to the pamphlet they sent out to me, anyway.

And, oh, how I sponsor them! Last year, the banks earnt $7.1 billion in bank fees. We should all be pleased to know that's a record amount - almost double what it was four years ago. Hooray for the banks! What marvellous corporate citizens.

They do so much for us. They put money into … er, into … er … promoting themselves, and getting bigger and better buildings. They create thousands of jobs - well, at the Commonwealth Employment Service as they struggle to cater for the tens of thousands of tellers who've been sacked over recent years - but jobs nonetheless.

I mean in these days of economic-global-rationalisation-warming buzz-word bizzos it's important to see our banks have won two major international awards.

There's the Golden Heart Award for not being too soft and kindly with anything other than money - electronic or real makes no matter.

And the Pol Pot Award for making people disappear from their premises.

It's just fantastic news and I reckon we should all give our major banks the thumbs up for coping so well with earning another award. It is the People We Don't Want at Our Barbies Award and it seems everyone in the banking system above the level of the local branch office has won it.

Love you Guys, missing you already!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com