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It's a bizarre world

Do you know it's hard to be upset at much in the world when you've just had an Easter full of family, friends and pogging out on choccy.

Fair go, if you can imagine a twig-thin supermodel, preggers with quads, trying to get out of a bath then you've pretty much got the picture of where this old geezer is at the moment.

Anyway, if I can raise this bloated tum enough to hop out of the bath I'll hurtle down to my room, Cell 666 as it is better known, and get started on today's proceedings.

Once again there are a heap of stories zipping around the world wide web and - if you will excuse the sickness of an over-ripe brain the size of a planet - they are damn funny.

How about these:

Canadian coppers are looking for 382 hunting rifles nicked from the back of a parked truck. Not funny in itself, but the comments from Montreal's No.1 Constable had us cacking our geriatric diapers. He said people found possessing the weapons could be accused of possessing stolen goods. Hmmmmm ... good point ... mind you, I wouldn't like to approach the gun-toting crims asking for them to return the shooters.

Belgian politicians want to legalise the personal use of cannabis for anyone over the age of 18. However, the legal rider is that you must not disturb public order while off your face. Think of the benefits for employment - you'd have a massive market in Munchies-Time Biscuits, Sweets or Chippies and would make a fortune. Maybe the Jehovah's Witnesses could have a business on the side.

Now, this one is a bit sick. A porky US teen killed his Mum and Dad with a knife so he could then go out and kill a bully who was rude about him being a fatty. The loon killed his folks so they wouldn't be ridiculed for having a son as a murderer. Personally, I'm sure they would have taken embarrassment over being hacked to death.

Using a mobile phone while driving is dangerous and a dorky Austrian can prove this. The chappie in question got out of his running car to retrieve his mobile and ended up being squished by said vehicle. I wonder what German for cretin is?

Speaking of inbreeds. In the semi-civilised land of South Africa a panic has started over witchcraft where the locals thought a dog had just popped out three kittens. Experts in the black arts said it was definitely mumbo-jumbo hocus-pocus stuff that caused the horrific event, more sensible minds put it down to the fact that the female dog was just nursing three orphan pusses.

And how about getting your chompers into this beauty. An American owner of a wild cat sanctuary poo-pooed concerns about the safety of his critters saying the moaners were worried about nothing. He should have listened as he was soon afterwards munched to death by a couple of his charges.

Mind you, this has to take the cake. A 12-year-old lad from America has been suspended from school - and may even get expelled - for sticking his tongue out at a girl. The PC tossers running the school said it was sexual harrassment and are going to throw the book at him. Either they have far too much time on their hands - or else they are so sexually frustrated they project their own thoughts upon a youngster.

Grumpy Old Coot has a warped view of life, check him out

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com