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Blessed Are the Stupid? Fat Chance!

I know that in these days of bleeding-heartism and airy-fairy-touchy-feely types of things we are supposed to be nice to the less fortunate.

Well, okay, I can understand being nice to old folk (you'd better be 'coz one day you may meet me!) and also to the disabled folk around town. Don't worry we're not talking grovelling sycophancy, but just a if-you-need-help-we're-here attitude. Kids, we all should try to help.

But there are some in our community who really deserve to be given heaps.

I do take great pleasure in being as painful as possible to officious by-the-book types - you know, the people to whom a rule is a rule and that's it. No thinking involved, no decision making or questioning whether something is logical or not. No, it's in the book and that's the end of the discussion.

Also, there is a sheer and utter delight of getting stuck into bullies of all shapes and sizes. They could be your boss, the boss's secretary, some idiotic middle-manager trying to look as if they are doing something, a drunk or drug-addled yob - doesn't matter they are all fair game.

However, most of my spleen gets vented at idiots. They don't have to be certifiable morons - IQs under 100 - but if they show enough stupidity then there is a savage pleasure in being mercilessly mean to them.

Take the cretins - usually in old large sedans of a very popular Australian carmaker - who hurtle up the left-hand lane to overtake orderly traffic despite the fact they know there are parked vehicles ahead. We've all seen them and hands up who enjoys blocking them off. I certainly do.

Or the selfish bastards who try to sneak through the end of an amber light and end up blocking major intersections because they couldn't wait for the next change. Anyone enjoy moving right up to their side doors, flashing your lights and beeping your horn at them? I certainly do.

Or howabout the shopkeeper who can't quite work out the change from a $10 note and you waste hours (well, it feels like hours) as they count on their fingers. Is there a joy in giving them the answer four times before they actually get to click on to the fact you're right and then sneeringly suggesting a calculator or remedial maths may help them? Of course there is!

And hands up the people who get really annoyed by snooty clothing shop assistants, or less than capable supermarket employees, and all you want to do is say "is that the best job your limited intellect will let you get?". Me, me, me, me me!

Or slagging off dickheads who cycle on footpaths, people who let their damn dogs run and poo all over parks, people who litter, waiters who give themselves airs and telephone marketers who always call at dinner or bathtime for the kids. I'm an expert!

But the greatest pleasure of all has to be when a truly stupid person thinks they aren't and tries to force their wisdom upon the world or, even worse, thinks they have the intelligence to tell others what to do.

Some may feel sorry for these people, but I reckon the stupid of the earth should sit there, shut up and stop using the oxygen.

The only way to deal with them is to treat them like they should be treated - talk to them using small words (or play charades), a condescending tone and if they become too annoying while trying to work out the capital of France just throw an atlas at them.

Wow! And I thought I was happy when I got out of bed this morning.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com