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Well, it's not branding but...

Here's a good bit of news to cheer up most right-thinking people on a Monday morning - the fact that Victoria is to create a sex-offender register.

No, it's not for those who visit porno sites on the Net - although we know who you are! - but rather a list of those scumbags who have committed sex crimes or child abuse.

Repeat sex offenders, or paedophiles, will now find they are tracked by the coppers at work and at home after they are released from jail. The monitoring will go on for at least eight years and possibly for the rest of their lives.

If they don't keep the rozzers informed of where they are then they face $10,000 in fines or two years back in the pokie.

And the victims of the crimes will now be informed where their attackers are jailed and when they are to be released.

Unfortunately the new laws won't actually give the attackers' addresses to victims, which is a real shame as wouldn't you like to visit them in hoods and sheets and plant a burning cross on their lawn. However, it will appeal to the touchy-feely brigade and bleeding-poxy-hearts who want to "rehabilitate" these scum so they return to the community and become "responsible citizens".

What a heap of lukewarm puke!

The only way they should be sent back out into the community is with an S (for sex offender) or P (paedophile) branded on to their foreheads. Their addresses should be available to victims, their neighbours informed and there should be nightly police patrols down their streets.

And that's just the start. Repeat offenders should be castrated - preferably without anaesthetic - and if that doesn't work - then just chop their appendages off. After all, it would be pretty damn hard to offend a third time if you had no equipment.

Mind you, it could ruin hymn time in Catholic churches - what will all those squeaky voices coming from the priests!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com