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Uh oh, What's That Bright Light?

What a fantastic day. Truly one of the best days I've had in a long time. It started reasonably with a misty morning and was damnably chilly, but I finally got these old bones warmed with a quick lurch down the hallway. Outside, however, I discovered it was so cold that on my way to help coach the little tackers at footy my wheelchair wheels began to seize up.

Mind you, that was a heck of a lot better than what happened later when a put-out parent of an obnoxious little-un moaned about the fact his sooker was crying because his side had lost a muck-around game.

You just can't please people it seems. So I just plonked in the cheerful rejoinder "Well coach them yourself" then, stuck the whistle up his nose and rolled off at a gentle pace. Till I got bogged, which sort of ruined the moment.

After that I caught up with some old pals - they're dropping too quickly by the wayside nowadays for my liking - and then it was over to Matron's for a nice little hot toddy.

The afternoon was spent on the Net sending emails and checking out what was happening in the world while keeping one ear on the radio to hear how the footy team was going. Yet another dismal performance, unfortunately, but hey, that's what it is all about taking the good with the bad.

Then the 5pm dinner gong went and I joined the Fogies One race to get to the table. As the well-regarded coach of Mick Schumacher I was winning, but did a silly thing in looking back to gloat at the human tide of losers behind me and ran smack into one of the helpers who dumped a bowl of boiled fish into my lap.

Needless to say it took nanoseconds for the agony to explode through me, but not from the heat of the food - as being an Old Folks' Home the staff are not allowed to serve up anything over tepid. No the excruciating pain came from the fact that old Arthur from down the hall had hobbled by me - fuelled on his secret supply of magic mushrooms he's growing in his cupboard - and beat me to the best spot at the top table.

Muttering curses at the deranged fool I was just about to get stuck in to dinner when suddenly all went funny and I pitched forward. I remember thinking, this is all a bit silly, what the hell am I doing with my face in my stewed mince? Hmmmm ...

The next thing I began to hear chorale music, the best I've ever heard, and felt myself drifting upwards - away from my body - uh, oh, what's that bright light. Now what the heck did the donkey say in Shrek? Oh yes, "stay away from the light!" Well, I'll try donkey, but the closer I get to it the nicer it feels.

Hang on, I think I've just sucked the big one - and in my dinner too! Bah humbug ... we were going to have prunes for pud ...................

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com