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Spare Me Spears
 Tell
you what, there's a bit of fur flying at the moment over some
young lady known as Britney Spears. Just who is she and what
is her claim to fame?
Not only has she been voted the No.1 worst dresser in the
world - big claim if you've checked out Rose Hancock Porteous'
outfits - but the young lady has also got herself in hot water
with animal-rights activists over her desire to perform at
the upcoming MTV awards with four live cheetahs.
Now what does she perform? And what on earth does she want
to use cheetahs for?
Well apparently it's a way of boosting her stage show, but
the activists are unhappy because they reckon cheetahs are
trained using electric prods, are whipped, beaten and starved.
Have these guys ever complained about our treatment in old-age
homes? Matron is tough and while she doesn't use the prods
that often, her whippings are legendary.
Anyway, back to the performer with the flashing teeth and
wobbly bits.
Hang on, MTV's on the box at the moment let's check her out.
Ooooh, by her chompers she's got to be a walking advertisement
for dental floss. No? Hmmmm, well, by her outfit she's got
to be a floozie-for-rent. Are those real?
Someone give me a clue .... she's a dancer, right? Hang on,
got to answer the phone. She's a what? A pop star who's a
self-confessed 19-year-old virgin? You on drugs?
Hang on, I'll just turn the sound up. Good God! What a voice.
She sounds like an angel. An angel being strangled in a fast
revolving washing machine. Quick turn the sound down.
Now I know what she wants the cheetahs for. People may pay
to get in to her shows, though God knows why, and the cheetahs
are there to ensure they stay until the end.
Personally, I'd rather be prodded with electric sticks and
beaten than put up with that squawking. Actually, I'd rather
be eaten by cheetahs.
Please, spear me.
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
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