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George Dubya Bush takes a beating...

Okay, okay, okay. I ‘fess up. I’m responsible for those bruises and cuts on President George Dubya Bush’s face.

While flying home from seeing the Queen to help her over the disappointment of young Harry, I stopped over in Washington to discuss with the Prez how to deal with I’man OverLaden Bin.

“Listen George,” I said, “You can’t be soft with him. Be firm. Give him a slapping he’ll not forget.”

“But how?” asked the Prez.

Before I could stop myself I had him by the tie (in OverLaden Bin’s case you’d use his beard) and bitch-slapped him like it was going out of fashion.

He took it pretty well, until I unleashed a mega-power hit (on behalf of Australian farmers screwed by Washington over the alleged tariff-and-quota-free trade) and sent him flying across the room.

With his security guards knocking on the door I quickly picked up some pretzels, strewed them around the sofa, knocked over a beer and dragged Dubya’s body near them.

Hiding in the cupboard I all of a sudden felt a hand over my mouth. I was terrified because I thought it was a burglar. Discovering it was Monica Lewinsky I was even more afraid and began to beat on the cupboard door with my hands.

It took 20 agonising minutes for the door to be opened by a smiling Prez.

“Well, Grump,” he said, “You reckon we Seppos are soft, but that’s what we have in store for OverLaden Bin. When he’s caught we’re going to lock him in with her for a month or so.”

“It’s too terrible, Dubya,” I said, “Too terrible. It was like being locked in the dark with a randy octopus!”

At that Dubya went white and sank into a nearby seat. “Oh, God, I’m sorry Grump, I think I forgot to let Bill out.”

If you think that’s funny well sod the lot of you.

It’s left me on Prozac and I still wake up at night screaming...

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com