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Brassed off in Space

Wasn’t it wonderful to see China launching a manned space rocket into the skies the other day.

As someone who had a bit of a hand in some of Werner Braun’s inventions – you know the V1 and V2 (although I thought they were just giant skyrockets) - the exploration of space gets this old goat’s blood racing faster than an ounce of speed.

There is something magical about the idea of floating around up there – preferably while alive, of course – and seeing Earth in all its insignificant beauty.

But, while the astronaut Yang Liwei is celebrated as a national hero in China, I have it on good authority that all is not well with China’s Space programme, also known as Peking into Space.

It seems that Yang is … well, how can I put it … actually not going into the firmament so much as fleeing a troubled home life.

It seems his wife, Wu Zi, likes her drink too much, courtesy of a cultural tour of Australia, and has been embarrassing both herself and Yang in the supermarket.

You now, bowling coconuts at the end-of-aisle stands, biffing bags of frozen Bok Choy, and racing along on her shopping cart screaming out “Michael Schumacher be my love!”

Anyway, the poor guy has not only had the pressures of being the first chap from China to zip around the world at a gazillion miles an hour, but also a sloshed floozie.

And, if there is anything worse than a sloshed floozie, it’s being married to one. I know, I know being married to a sloshed anyone is a pain in the backside, but my experience is coloured by wife No.4 who tended to like five or six tipples too many. Blackberry Nip was her drop and boy did it nip all right – me usually!

So while we look up in the evening skies and hope to see yet another grand human achievement passing overhead, pay a thought to poor old Yang who I would reckon is desperately trying to work out a way to dock with the disintegrating Russian space station and prolong his absence.

Mind you, while the Chinese have built the Shenzou (Divine Vessel) craft, it is based on the old Russian Soyuz space rocket.

Fine for some, but if I were told to put on a space helmet and blast off in a former Soviet ship of any kind I’d want to make sure I had a very big oxygen pack.

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