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Watch out for Grumpy and Barbie ...
Oh puke. There are other words for it – chunder, vomit, regurgitate
– but really, puke is the best word for the PR event of Barbie
splitting with Ken.
Yes, we are talking about the plastic dolls and yes we are
talking about blatant media gullibility.
A minute of prime TV news – okay, usually watched only by
people cooking dinner or morons – but a minute nonetheless.
There we have the Barbie empire’s PR folk barely containing
their mirth as they try to weep through the breakup of tall,
blonde and rarely proportioned Barbie (although I have dated
someone very close to it) and Ken of the no-todger fame.
Personally, I’m surprised that our Barbie put up with a guy
who had no appendage for so long. Mind you, if you could part
his plastic lips he may have a tongue that all gals could
swoon for. Enough of that.
It would seem to jaded old buggers like myself that the reason
for breaking up the perfect plastic partnership of some 40
years would have to be sales. Yup, in moralistic America the
clean cut perfect marriage of Ken and Barbie must have palled
and now she needs a bit of vavoom in her life.
The new man in Barbie’s bed is – dare one say – an Aussie
bloke and he must be good enough to boil her non-existent
blood.
All I can say is that if he takes after Ken – cute, but lacking
in the undies-filling department – then I’ll sue. Because,
dear readers, I have it on good authority that the new guy
in Barbie’s life is modeled on me.
Okay, a slightly younger version – and without the colostomy
bag - but me nonetheless. It seems that despite her blonde
hair, long-long legs, incredible waist and perky protruberences,
our Barbie knows a real man when she sees him and no American
dork can match the sheer charisma of an Aussie.
Even one who has seen three centuries whiz by. I’m looking
forward to releasing the Grumpy doll – full of testosterone
and attitude and more than capable of kicking the polymers
out of would-be plastic men.
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
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