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Drug Squad gets into art with a bit of framing

Now, not really being involved with dope, pot, doobie dust, smoke, or a bit of the old marijuana (except for medicinal purposes and, of course, during audiences with the Queen) I am leery of what is regarded as the lightist of the recreational illicit drugs available to all and sundry.

I've seen people stoned off their heads, eyes glazed, laughing till they wet themselves - and that's over a game of canasta in the dining room - and must say they look pretty silly.

So imagine my surprise when I was stopped in my pink Morris Minor while tootling along the highway and an officious rozzer in plain clothes asked me to hop out of the car and gave me a pat down.

Now, he didn't seem to want my body so I figured what the heck is all this about. It's only when I hopped back into the beastie and hooned off down the road amid a cloud of smoke that I felt a lump in my side pocket.

I was just about to check it out when the bells and sirens came from behind and the same copper waved me over.

Confused, I pulled over and this bloke hopped out, asked me to get out, patted me down again and lo and behold found a bag of green stuff on me.

"This isn't mine," I spouted.

"Looks like it to me you drug-addled fogie," he said in a friendly opening line. "And don't answer back or I'll baton you with my night torch."

Charming, thought I, just the sort of guy you want around when you're having a nice day.

"I'm arresting you for possession of a restricted class of drug."

"It's not mine ... you planted it on me."

"Oh they all say that ... but we seem to be able to get the convictions. Everyone is innocent - even those of you with drugs in your pocket."

"Don't you think it's wrong to fit-up people on false drug charges?"

"No, why, makes the figures look good. Makes us heroes of the force - even more than those traffic-camera blokes. Makes us feel proud."

Hmmmmmm, no wonder there's a special Victoria Police task force has re-opened up to 12 drug squad cases after allegations that evidence has been fabricated.

Come on guys, play fair. You wouldn't try to frame our Queen would you?

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com