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Drug cheat horror at world champs!

It is just unbelievable, more drug cheating has been exposed in high-level sport and authorities are acting to clamp down on it.

Was it sprinting? No.

Was it Chinese female swimmers? No.

Was it elite cyclists? No.

How about Eastern European gymnasts? No.

The shameful revelation about performance-enhancing drugs has stripped a champion player of her silver medal in - wait for it - bridge.

Yup, the wonderful pastime of contract bridge is now tainted by accusations of drug abuse.

Now having played a fair bit of bridge in my time, I have to wonder how on earth authorities think they need to deal with allegedly performance-enhancing drugs. How can playing cards be improved by injecting yourself with horse urine?

I suppose they think you need anabolic steroids to build up the old muscles so you can throw down the winning card faster, higher or longer to take a 7 No Trumps (doubled) rubber.

But poor old Disa Eythorsdottir, a US professional, lost her silver medal from the World Champs in Canada for refusing to take a drug test. Poor old Disa was in tears because the drug she was taking was connected with a back condition.

Bridge players have faced random drug testing at world championships for the past couple of years - but just how in the hell your game is going to be improved by taking painkillers has yet to be explained to me!

Of course it is all politics - as the World Bridge Federation is trying to become an Olympic sport. (Dear, dear oh dear, they'll be trying to have sex as an Olympic sport soon - hmmmmmm, there could be merit in that one!)

Anyway, because the bridge organisation hasn't got around to preparing its own list of banned substances - may I suggest coffee, tea, sherry - the tossers have just grabbed the entire list banned by the Olympics. Clearly they want to prevent old-folks' homes full of 200-kilo, sub 9-second 100 metre geriatrics playing the game!

Back to the problem in hand, so to speak.

Sounds to me like the only troublesome drugs in bridge are the ones being dropped by the authorities who are seriously delusional about the whole issue.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com