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Oh Dubya, How Did These Get Out?

Now my mate George Dubya Bush, Prez of the Good Ol' US of A, is a nice bloke but - at times - he's thicker than a bit of 4x2.

Dubya and I are closer than most would believe and he often meets with me to mull over issues that are troubling him. Needless to say, he gets a heap of terrific advice from this wise old head. Check out how he got bruised that little while ago.

But I am under no illusion about the guy's weaknesses and thinking quickly and speaking off the cuff are two of them.

Still, he's the most powerful man in the world (yes, Channel 9 viewers - even more so than Eddie I-Don't-Have-a-Conflict-of-Interest McGuire) and people respect him.

So, Dubya and I went through a lexicon of his quotes and got rid of the ones we thought didn't show him in the best light.

Imagine my shock when they were published on the Web by some absolute scoundrel. Anyway, here they are with my noted comments to Dubya underneath. Even reading them now I shake my head and say: "Oh ... my ... God. People actually voted for him."

Get ready...

Dubya: "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
Grumpy: "Spot on, Dubya, nothing like stating the bleedin' obvious."

Dubya: "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
Grumpy: "Oho, and I thought you guys left that up to Billy Clinton's mob."

Dubya: "Welcome to Mrs Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
Grumpy: "Earth to Dubya, I think we have a problem."

Dubya: "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
Grumpy: "Hmmmm, a lack of oxygen does kill brain cells."

Dubya: "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Grumpy: "Well, your brain doesn't anyway."

Dubya: "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
Grumpy: "Irreversibly simple."

Dubya: "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
Grumpy: "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Dubya: "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
Grumpy: "You'd know, Dubya."

Dubya: "I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
Grumpy: "See time travel does exist!"

Dubya: "The future will be better tomorrow."
Grumpy: "I think he may be right!"

Dubya: "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
Grumpy: "Now that's a serious worry."

Dubya: "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
Grumpy: "Do tell, Dubya, do tell."

Dubya: "I stand by all the mis-statements that I've made."
Grumpy: "And even some of the sensible ones!"

Dubya: "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
Grumpy: "Not geographically, old sock."

Dubya: "Public speaking is very easy."
Grumpy: "For some."

Dubya: "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
Grumpy: "Yeah ... but Dubya ... so was Ronny Raygun."

Dubya: "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
Grumpy: "Thanks for pointing it out, I would have missed that one."

Dubya: "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
Grumpy: "Clear, concise, logical."

Dubya: "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
Grumpy: "Spooky!"

Dubya: "For NASA, space is still a high priority."
Grumpy: "Who's high?"

Dubya: "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
Grumpy: "They do miss some though, don't they?"

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Grumpy: "Spot on!"

Dubya: "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
Grumpy (With little pinkie in mouth): "Riiiiiiiiiight!"

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com