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Oh, whoopie, it's an election

Oh well, the federal election is on so stand by to be promised the world, offered everything from tax cuts to increased free loo paper in public toilets, and bored absolutely witless.

Yup, five weeks of torment - and only one chance to pay politicians back.

Ooooh, this ballot-filler-innerer is set to go now. I've made my mind up and there is no promise or - as we political observers tend to put it - blatant lie, that can change my vote.

Mind you, if the fact that most Aussies have already done the same was brought to the attention of the leading political parties they wouldn't believe it.

No, they reckon they have to spend money and then more money, make you sick to death of their faces, and even have the damn cheek to knock on your door while you're relaxing at home. And it is a damn cheek.

The closest I want to be to a politician is between my place and Canberra. After all, wasn't that why the great capital was built? To keep decent people safe from outbreaks of politicianitis?

Anyway, woe betide the first door knocker to stain my property with their presence. And painful death to the scumbags who will be sending me squillions of flyers and bits of crap information in order to win my vote.

I mean, does anyone really believe the promises made in a campaign? Thought not.

No, the political parties should do this. When an election is called the campaign should be for only seven days. Not only will that save money, but it will keep our sanity safe from bullshit overload.

Lastly, it would mean about a gazillion trees don't need to be destroyed to make the paper on which the campaign promises are made. Second thoughts, maybe I will take the flyers - I need more loo paper.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com