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Watching the TV news used to be great fun at the home, but nowadays there's this annoying person who ruins it for all of us.

That's the opinion of my fellow inmates and, unfortunately, the evil miscreant is ... me.

What have I done this time? Well, I get so sick to death of so-called experts on international matters orally masturbating on air that I biff things at the screen.

A case in point are those that immediately dismiss the idea that trained terrorists could be among illegal immigrants heading towards our shores on some pretty creaky boats.

They wouldn't be risked, say the "experts". Why go through such an ordeal and risk sinking when you can get a business-class ticket and pop through much more easily, these "experts" say. Why risk detention and a security check in one of our five-star detention camps, those non-barrow-pushing "experts" say.

Well, hello, you dozy tossers - what would be a better way to get into a country than by hiding, with secret identity, among hundreds of other would-be immigrants?

Sure, there is an at-first-glance risk of a vessel sinking - but you would obviously choose a poor-looking, but safe, one to hide on. Security officials have clamped down hard on flights and unless you were blond and blue-eyed you can guarantee you'll be given a pretty damn fine lookover at an airport.

There you are, on board a seemingly rickety vessel, steaming towards Australia. You know several things.

Firstly, you will be detected. Secondly, you will get plonked in a camp. Thirdly - and this is a gimmie - you know for absolutely certain that once you hit Australian shores the bloody bleeding hearts of the Great Soft Land will be howling down anyone who would dare suggest you are anything other than a starving, mistreated refugee who just wants to see his mum again.

You put up mild discomforts for a year or so, get released and then you are a terrorist sleeper who has just been given the official okay from Australia to wait for orders from Im-an Overladen Bin.

My only hope is that if a terror attack occurs in this country that the first targets will be the poxy lawyers who fought to let the murderous buggas into Australia.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com