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My farm is your farm

Oho, here's a turn-up, Western countries being accused of racism just because they want to see fair elections, an end to racial violence and a return to everyone being semi equal.

And just who could be accusing Britain, Canada and Australia of racism?

Yup, it comes from a nation where if you are from the wrong tribe you get nothing, or if you are a white farmer who has been living on the land for generations, you get to keep nothing.

It's Zimbabwe, of course, where under-the-microscope ratbags rule the place as Robert Moogabe's personal fiefdom.

Elections are imminent and Moogabe, he of the let's release foot-and-mouth riddled cattle incident, is struggling to keep his suspect presidency.

Courageous to the last, Moogabe has snubbed the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting - where he knew he'd cop a complete shellacking over his appalling human rights record - but has had a henchman throw the old racist line at us.

Jonathan Moyo, Zimbabwe's Information Minister, reckons: "It's racism, it is so obvious they are doing this because they are unhappy with the redistribution of land (read: farm invasions - Grumpy) that's going on in Zimbabwe."

Isn't it amazing how corrupt, brutal third-world regimes resort to that accusation when they've just been found to have murdered a squillion people, or bankrupted the country through stealing aid money?

"Oh, yes, well, those hidden bodies with axe wounds and gun shots to the head were definitely suicide and the thumbscrews and car batteries in the police cells are just museum exhibits ... So how dare you accuse us of being brutal? You racist, imperialist pig-dog, you!"

Now, come on Moogabe, you and your mates should realise that such comments will only appeal to the bleeding-heart wusses in Western nations who think that any criticism of non-Europeans is inherently racist and we should let you do whatever you damn well like with impunity.

Uh oh, put like that ... there is a fair few million of them hiding in the muesli shops wearing their plastic sandals...

Stand by folks for the press releases from groups like "Single Humans Involved Today Hating Every Anglo Dastardly Scumbag and We'll All Never Kiss Enough Rectums, Sorry." (Love to see their acronyms on letterheads!)

Gotta go, I'm off to Zimbabwe to make sure the elections are fair and legal. Might grab myself a holiday farm while I'm at it!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com