|
Check
out Grumpy's IBin Laughin Humour Page
To read past columns
visit The Grumpy Files
FIFA is for Fornicating International Footy
Arseholes
Oh well, I guess it was always going to happen. The Boys
Club of soccer - Fornicating International Footy Arseholes,
or FIFA - has right royally screwed us once again.
Yup, the movers and shakers of soccer have bowed to South
American pressure faster than a Latin American politician
puts his hand out for dodgy cash and have gone back on a promise
to allow Oceania an automatic place in the 2006 World Cup
Finals.
Now, once again the winner of the Oceania qualifying group
- either Australia or New Zealand - will have to travel around
the globe putting up with sooky-boy South American wussers.
See picture.
You can just imagine how the vote was changed can't you.
The delegates would have been sitting around a Rio de Janiero
pool, being wined, dined and entertained by buxom South American
beauties opening large suitcases stuffed with either pesos
or cocaine.
An oily perspiring type would be talking to them along the
lines of ...
"Hey, seenors, we wanna have one more team in the World
Cup to satisfy the ambitions of our glorious nations and show
that apart from corruption, fiscal incompetence, trigger-happy
soldiers, ignoring soul-destroying poverty and wiping out
the rainforests by the banana-boat load - we South Americans
can play the beautiful game better than anyone."
The scumbags of Fornicating International Footy Arseholes
would all be nodding their heads in agreement (or would they
be just wiping the cocaine from their noses) saying what wonderful
types the Latins are.
And there would be the fine upstanding figure of the Australian
Soccer representative who would be making noises about improving
the world game by showing our talent off to the world and
the boost to it in this country. She'd also drop in the bazillions
of bucks that Fornicating International Footy Arseholes would
earn through TV rights to a First World country, rather than
a collection of tin-pot dictatorships.
The Fornicating International Footy Arseholes voters would
look at our gal for a few moments and then ask in one voice
"But what do we get?"
To which our honest and upright gal would say "it would
be good for soccer."
Four days later - when the laughter from Fornicating International
Footy Arseholes reps died down - she'd be told something along
the lines of "keep trying, we'll do more for you next
time."
Well, dear readers, it has to be said that there is only
one person that South Americans would listen to - Margaret
Thatcher!
Yup, one mention of the Iron Lady and the macho men of South
America would fill their pants instantly and think twice about
going back on their promises.
"Remember the Falklands" should be Soccer Australia's
catch-cry and every time we play the Latins we should have
banners, flags and people wearing hats and T-shirts featuring
the sinking battleship General Belgrano.
Grumpy
Old Coot has a warped view of life, check him out
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
|
