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Germans Attack Our Queen

Having watched a fair bit of the old World Cup over the weekend I have to say there are some damn fine teams running around in Japan and South Korea.

Particularly impressive was the team from Germany, which delivered an 8-0 shellacking to Saudi Arabia. One of the most interesting things about the Krauties performance was that - for the first time in decades - they have not looked like soccer robots.

Fair go, they used to turn up at matches like Arnie Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies and get away with boring draws and 1-0 wins - and the buggas would usually walk away with the big prize at the end of the tournament.

Anyway, now there's a bit of human frailty in the side - at least one of them had a bead of sweat after 90 minutes of play - although they didn't exactly show much mercy to the Saudis.

Now I bring up the subject of the Germans having read about a scurrilous attack on our beloved Queen by a Krautie magazine.

Der Spiegel has called our Liz a "nondescript 76-year-old little housewife", "a wilted leaf" and then gone on to slag off the entire British Royal Family.

The media assault is somewhat surprising - despite Germans being renowned for attacking anything they can set their sights on.

I've spent a bit of time in Germany and think the people - make great beer. Other than that, their sausages are hideous, I could never speak the language without a litre of phlegm in my throat and I got sick to death of putting up with their arrogance.

Now let's get something straight Mein Herren and Herrennesses - stay away from the Queen or we may have to mention the war - er, wars. You know those big tragedies that your nasty nation caused last century and ended up costing around 50 million lives. (I'm not sure if that includes the ones you put in death camps - so maybe we'll add another six million or so lives to that total.)

Our Queen, God Bless Her, is a symbol of stability in a constantly changing world and gives to we of British descent a sense of being part of a people that once ruled the globe in a pretty fair old way. More than your tin-pot little pack of oiks could manage. 1000-year Reich, pah!

And if I may be so bold - she is also a damn fine lady and I'll kick the strudl out of any German who says she's not.

So, hacks at Der Speigel, in the words of the Great Bard **** ** ****! (which roughly translated means **** ** ****!).

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com