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Forgotten Citizens

He always does it to me, old George Dubya Bush. Somehow he manages to pick the wrong time of day - like 3am - to call me for some advice.

The phone went and I answered it with reasonably pleasant "What the hell do you want?"

"Hi Grump, Dubya here, need a bit of advice."

"Oh hi Dubya, do you know what time it is?"

"Well, the big hand is on the ...

"What do you want Dubya?"

"Well, Grump, I have a question. What's an arse-licker?"

"What????"

"Your media has been using the term a bit recently and I was wondering what it was."

"Well, Dubya, it's a brown nose - someone who wants to get ahead by sliming up to the boss."

"Oh, an ass-licker, right, got that straight. Thanks Grump, see ya, missing you already."

"Hey, Dubya, before you go what's happening with the Australians accused of being terrorists and being held without trial, detention, human rights, by you guys."

"Can't say, Grump, too hush-hush, national security, September 11, need to know basis ..."

"Hey Dubya, turn the tape off. What the hell are you doing holding Australian citizens like that. Particularly when they say you guys are lying about what they've done."

"Well, Grump, they did anti-American things."

"Such as?"

"Well, they didn't know the words to the national anthem."

"And?"

"They drive on the wrong side of the road."

"And?"

"They don't like our beer."

"Who the hell does, Dubya, it's gnat's piss, besides which they are Muslems and don't drink. But they've been held by you guys for one hell of a long time and yet they haven't been charged. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"You're right, Grump, it tells me they've done so many bad things we haven't had time to tally them all up."

"Or what else, Dubya?"

"That they may not have done anything."

"Good lad. Know I know Canberra won't ask you, so I will. Charge them or release them to us. We are allies, after all, well ... except in trade of course."

"Can't do it Grump, too hush-hush, national security, September 11, need to know basis ..."

"Night Dubya."

"But it's not dark, Grump, it's still light. Look I can see the blue sky out of the ...."

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com