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Oh no, I thought the Indons were our best friends

The political commentators have their panties in a knot, the news is full of it (when isn't it, actually?) but - shock, horror - our PM has been snubbed by Indonesia's newish president MegaUnprounceable SookandPooty.

Oh. My. God. What a disaster! And here we are thinking that the Indons are our best friends.

Get off the grass you tossers. The bloody Indons hate us. Why? Because - after 25 years of watching them slaughter poor East Timorese with great abandon - we finally got off our backsides and did something about it.

Yup, we led the way, got those murderous Indon army scumbags out of East Timor and embarrassed Jakarta, which up to that point had always regarded us as a pack of soft cxxxx .... er, viagra-needing limp appendages.

And who can blame them in a way. Every time a new government took over Canberra there'd be a delegation off to Jakarta to say what great types they were and basically giving them every conceivable come-on as if to say - hey, we enjoy being rogered by you blokes. No don't worry about vaseline, just hop on.

They are also great traffic cops and send us lots and lots of extra visitors each week on pleasure cruises. Great itinerary too - Indonesia, Ashmore Reef, Christmas Island, Darwin. They wave those cheery folk off and laugh at the difficulties they are causing us.

Well, let's be subtle. If the Indons don't like us - tough. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

Okay, they are the world's largest Muslim country in the world - at a time when things are a bit sensitive over Iman-Over-Laden-Bin - and they float just north of us.

But, let's face it, they are financially rooted and can only delight in trying to embarrass us politically because the Australian media thinks we should be really, really nice to them. The media - which is filled with pathetic, politically correct barrow pushers - tends to forget the five journalists tortured and murdered by the Indon army in 1975.

Okay, President SookandPooty, you despise us, but love our money. So how's this.

What if Australians go on holidays somewhere other than Bali? Gee, that would knock your economy around a bit. Wouldn't be able to afford to laugh at us quite so loudly would you?

So, all decent Aussies who are sick to death of our media and pollies pandering to Jakarta should ignore Bali and look elsewhere for a bit of relaxation. Vanuatu, perhaps? Kiwiland? Or even Fiji.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com