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Where Are Those Earplugs

Move over Joan Sutherland, Maria Callas, Kiri te Kanawa and Renata Tebaldi, there is a new mega prizefight going on for the position as No.1 female warbler.

Who could it be you ask? Well, let me be subtle, neither of these creatures would have a chance in opera and have marvellous voices for those who are deaf.

Yes, that's right, it's Posh (my hubby's a tosser) Spice and Kylie (my ex-boyfriend's a choker) Minogue.

Two of the world's most horrendously hyped voices are about to release singles in Britain and the media is waiting with baited breath to see who will outsell whom.

I guess the key piece of interest will be how little clothing each will wear in their video clips - the more the better actually - as they strain their vocal chords.

Personally, I can't see how either could be considered singers and their battle for No.1 spot just shows what a pack of pus the British charts are. No one should take them seriously.

However, my vote for best female vocalist and should-be No.1 is ... you guessed it ... Michael (I'm forever blowing bubbles) Jackson. Hate to monkey around in his bath, let me tell you!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com