Check out Grumpy's IBin Laughin Humour Page

To read past columns visit The Grumpy Files

Hi, I'm a major Multinational, can you lend me a dime?

Here we go again. Yet another big corporation - no it hasn't gone belly up - but it is knocking on Canberra's door asking for money to stay in business.

Yup, old Mitsubishi motors reckons it needs to retool (that's carspeak for re-equip) its Adelaide operation and wants the Aussie taxpayer to fork out $140 million to the company to make it worthwhile.

It would be churlish to say that $140 million just so happens to be on top of $200 million we're already shovelling out in subsidies to Mitsubishi.

Now clearly this gets up my nose because these big companies do all they can to avoid paying the taxes to Australia they should, while we poor sods on wages get screwed by every conceivable sort of government.

Then, when times are tough, they go cap in hand to either Canberra or the state governments begging for tax relief - or if they've got the financial cohones for it, straight out ask for subsidies.

Now by my reckoning, if we give Mistubishi $140 million and they keep 10,000 jobs going then saving the workers jobs is at a cost to my wallet of $14,000 each.

If there are 5000 saved then it will be $28,000. Saving only 1000 jobs will be a whopping $140,000 for each paypacket kept in the pigeonhole - that is until the next financial crisis.

Well, I'm at a loose end so I may just up to Canberra and knock on the Prime Monster's door and ask for $140 million.

"Hey, Johnno," I'll greet him in a friendly and caring sort of way (but I'll carefully avoid shaking hands, him being a pollie and all), "how about giving me $140 million so I can employ some people?"

"Well, Grumpy," he'll beam at meeting me, "how many jobs?"

"Oh, about a 100 Johnno, back at the home, we're going into the crocheted-rugs exporting business."

"Beaut, Grumpy, not a drama. I'll just ask you not to be so rude about politicians - your comments really hurt me."

"Sorry, Johnno, you're an okay guy for a shortie, but a grumps gotta say what a grumps gotta say. But next time you're in the area pop in and have a cuppa, maybe share the kerosine spa with Matron and me."

"Okay Grumpy it's a deal, can I bring the wife?"

"For $140 million, Johnno, you can bring Christopher Skase (he's really not dead you know) and Pixie."

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com