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We're No Longer Happy LITTLE Vegemites ....

Now I am going to dig myself into a pile of poo here … but something has got to be done about our latest No.1 world ranking.

It's not in wine production, or the number of superb actors we are exporting to Hollywood, nor any of our fantastic sporting teams.

No, our latest No.1 world title is for being a pack of porky fatties.

Fair go, the image of the bronzed Aussie has flown out the window faster than a winged pig as health authorities have us leading the world in beer guts and the world's biggest backsides competition.

In a great sporting country like ours that is not just a disgrace - it's absolutely criminal - and we are not doing enough about it.

Next time you walk down the street just have a squizz at the too-short-for-their-weight mob pogging into chippies, hamburgers, cakes or the biggest bottle of softdrink you've ever seen in your life.

They may seem to be wobbling along in a state of contentment, but underneath that size 52 outfit beats the straining heart of someone who may not be as happy as they merrily make out.

And what about our kids?

Never in my life have I seen such a bunch of little porkers running about the place. Fair go, it almost puts me off my bacon and eggs!

The dangers to our national health are huge and the incidence of adult-onset diabetes (brought on by excess weight) in kids has gone from bugga-all to epidemic proportions.

Now if you are the parent/grandparent or uncle of a little round one, don't write to me complaining about this column - well, you can, but please do it after you taken the blimp-to-be out on a long walk in the sunshine.

Exercise is what the youngsters need. Give 'em a good run around, or bicycle ride, or play footy or cricket with them. Hey, tie them up in the front yard and have the dog chase them round in circles.

Everyone needs more exercise - kids in particular - and if you happen to be a proud Aussie who sings the national anthem every time one of our swimmers wins a gold medal somewhere just keep in mind that could be a thing of the past.

'Coz if some of our current crop of kids jumps into a pool - they'd damn well empty it!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com