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They put our flag under a bird's backside!

I love our flag. It is stylish, colourful and shows us where we came from and where we are now.

Every time I see those white stars, blue background and Union Flag - my eyes brim with pride, joy and a few washed down flakes of conjunctivitis.

Oh there are some unthinking morons who want to change it for various political motives - namely unleashing the dreaded R-word.

Or bored artists who feel the need to get creative and come up with designs that are better suited to foreign, less tasteful climes instead of our own beloved sunburnt country.

I can live with them, sort of... They are pains in the backside and are seriously deluded, but in a democracy we just have to smile at them sympathetically, let them have their fun - and then ignore the cretins.

However, it has to be said I draw the line at a football club - run by a Republican sympathiser and never-off-the-idiot-box Eddie McGuire - that has its bird symbol wiping its backside on our flag.

Yes, the Collingwood Football Club has for more than a decade let its Magpie shake its tail feathers over the old red, white and blue ensign.

Have a look at this. Now, not only does the Collingwood black-and-white flag earn a more prominent place within the logo (the Australian flag should be on the left), but the bastards have our ensign right smack under the bird's backside.

As a huge fan of real magpies - they are about the only intelligent and nice things wearing black and white - it is unfair that they are now shown up to be so contemptuous of our beloved flag.

Now clearly this shows that the mob that run Collingwood - and regularly self-promote it as THE club in the land (if not the world if you'd believe some) - think the club as being more important than Australia.

Perhaps, McGuire, we should change the Australian flag to black and white - it could suit our historical convict garb - or maybe every national side should wear those colours instead of our majestic gold and green?

Ooops, hang on a sec, that would mean we'd look a lot like that mob from across the Tasman Sea! Is that what you inward-looking Collingwood duffers want? To trample Australia's international sporting history and make us wear second-hand colours for the sake of your Victorian club?

No sirreee, buckos. Have a bit of respect for Australia and our flag and keep the attitudes of your hoi polloi where they belong - locked deep inside your home ground.

And change your bloody logo before I get hold of a lawyer or three and have you up on treason charges.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com