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Terror and the Prez

Now George Dubya Bush and I are great mates and we've had some pretty wild times together and I'm glad to see he's taken another bit of friendly advice from this old geezer.

Old George the Younger was feeling pretty down one day at the White House and put in a pick-me-up call to yours truly. Happens all the time...

"Hell Grumpy," he said, "there are so many of these damned terrorists running around it's hard to keep track of them. This I'man Overladen Bin bastard has heaps of the swines running around the world."

"Easy peasy Dubya," I said, "keep a score card."

Now knowing the Prez was a sports fan I tried to explain the benefits of a footy-style stats sheet, but it was a bit complicated.

So I tried cricket, but the intricacies of the great game were just a little lost on a lad from Texas and so I went for the basic, run of the mill scorecard.

"Look Dubya, get some small passport headshots of the top terrorists, paste them on to some cards - you know like you did at kindergarten - and then every time you knock one of the blighters off you can put a dirty great red cross through them."

"No Red Cross, Grump, they are already getting stuck into us for our treatment of captured terrorists, I don't want anything to do with them."

"No Dubya, a red cross - like an X."

There's one thing about Dubya and that is while he can be a little slow on the uptake at times, once he gets it he's like a terrier with a snake.

"Can I draw targets on their foreheads?"

"You're the Prez, Dubya, you can do what the hell you like!"

"Great! Now where did I leave my red pen? Oh well, I guess Monica's lipstick will come in handy after all."

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com