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Put a condom on your head ref ...

Call me old, call me cantankerous, call me a walking colostomy bag, but do so within my reach and I'll kick seven bells out of you.

And that is how I would like to deal with one particular moron in Melbourne.

Now in a world that's on the edge of serious Christian vs Muslim trouble, most people are tippy-toeing around the cultural divide doing their best to keep things nice.

But not in the Victorian Women's Premier League where it seems that having no brain and no sensitivity means you can become a referee.

At a match over the weekend one chap in black with a whistle stuck in his gob must have been feeling a bit useless (or his wife had just beaten him up) and so decided to ban a star player from a game because she was wearing a Muslim scarf - a hijab.

It is alleged this tosser asked her if there was something wrong with her head? Easy answer to that must have been "no, but clearly there's something wrong with yours you jumped-up little dick!"

Anyway, the victim of this appalling lack of grace and subtlety was told to take it off or she couldn't play. Her teammates rallied around her and walked off and eventually the match was called off. It will be replayed.

Now the Victorian Soccer Federation is embarrassed and so it should be. The sport is rife with ethnic rivalries and stupidity and needs cretins running games as much as a hole in the head. Mind you, I suppose they could wear a hijab to cover them up.

Mind you, I have the perfect bit of head gear for that referee. He should take a condom and put it on his noggin - because he would have to be the biggest dickhead I have heard about in a very long time.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com