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Oh, no, not the R word

Wouldn't you know it? Just when you thought it was safe to look at the news along comes another group of tossers who want to turn Australia into a republic.

This time around it's a merry band of ex-judges, a few ex-polticians and an ex-TV presenter.

What a motley crew and, if you notice it, many have one thing in common - they are ex-s.

Yup, no doubt sitting on their backsides enjoying a nice drop when someone burped and another thought they said "Republic."

So, thinking this plan may be worth a few headlines, they've decided to pressure the Government into reopening the republican debate which has so regularly disrupted our lives over recent years.

What a waste of time and money.

This old timer always gets a bit leery when politicians, the wealthy or high-profile types stick their nose into a system that has done us proud for our entire existence.

Call me suspicious, but I have a feeling these bored old sippers may have an eye upon being the top dog around here - (can I say it without throwing up?) - an Australian president.

Now if we were to divest ourselves of the benign presence of the Queen, God bless her, who sits 10,000 miles away and does not interfere in our lives at all, what would we get?

Firstly, we have a pack of pollies and the super rich pushing to get themselves chosen as President.

This has several major drawbacks for Australia. Far from "showing the world we aren't tied to Britain's apron strings anymore" as the republican hawkers would have it, it would introduce (God help us) another tier of government and bureacracy.

Yes, fellow tax payers, more money will be ripped out of your pockets to pay for the added lurks and perks of politicians et al.

Secondly, you can guarantee we'd cop a pollie in the job! Why? because that's how they'll set it up. They'll keep the people out of the equation - except to foot the bill - and then it will be "which mate shall be the first President?"

Lastly, and if No.2 wasn't bad enough, the President will want to have a big say in things and instead of having a head of state who keeps out of the way - other than offering tradition and stability - we'll have someone who wants to get stuck into things.

No, the last thing I want as a figurehead for this wonderful country is a damn politician who will bring the stench of Canberra to what should be a job for someone without reproach.

Hang on a mo, I've got just the person. If we are to rid ourselves of our British heritage then I want the top job. How about that ... President Grumpy. I like the sound of that!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com