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Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Fly...

Don't you just love the way some groups get paid to just come out with an idea that will inconvenience millions of people.

Take for example the swine who came with the idea for the miniature plastic key that gets used in security areas and - most unfortunately - in lifts. Why invent it if the bloody thing takes 15 attempts to do its job? (Like the ones in the Web Wombat lifts!!!!!!)

Or how about the bright spark who thought limiting big trucks to 100 kph was a brilliant move? Shame no-one told him that a) truck drivers can't count to 100 and that b) they wouldn't stick to it anyway.

The latest in Grumpy's Big Ideas file comes from a British Airways report that suggests one-stop flights use something like 40 per cent more high octane than planes that stopover and refuel.

The report reckons a flight between Australia and Britain should have at least three stopovers.

Great! What sort of tosser would suggest that an already harrowing journey should be increased - by up to 10 hours - with little rest breaks in the outposts of civilisation.

Yes, let's make out lives considerably richer by visiting the airport lounges of the armpits of the world, put up with struggling on and off planes - or worse, just sitting on them - and having to put up with another one or two airline meals.

Not only would the extra flight time wreak havoc upon my colostomy bag, the airlines would have to ensure showers on board because I'd hate to be sitting next to some unwashed type in traccies and moccasins for 36 hours!

And the loos would need a bit of a tart up - because over the Pacific they get pretty damn whiffy, so what would they be like over three times that length of journey.

Besides - and this is the killer part - could the bar cope with a thirsty Grumpy, stuck between a couple of politicians on their tax-funded "fact-finding" trip to the fleshpots of Europe, hitting the hostie button for his 96th gin and tonic?

Well, if someone wants to finish the job on the airlines started by I'man Overladen Bin and completely kill off air travel - all they need do is listen to the report and put in more stopovers.

Hang on, there's a very faint watermark on this report. Let's just move in under the light and ... aha!

Done by sdrawkcabO&P. Mmmmmmm, doesn't need too much brain power to work out who and why they did this. Sneaky buggas aren't they?

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com