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Not Dead ... Just Spaced Out

Phew, back again. I thought I was a goner there for a while. All that floaty-feeling stuff and bright lights had me very worried let me tell you.

Fortunately for me it didn't actually turn out to be anything serious. Okay, I was embarrassed as hell to wake up with my face lying in a plate of stewed mince - lukewarm at that - and it has taken three days to recover fully, but I'm fit as a fiddle and raring to go.

Which is more than can be said for horrible old Arthur of the magic mushrooms fame. It seems the swine laced the dinner with his latest crop and sent all 65 residents into cuckooland.

Apparantly I was snuffling and moaning in my mince and making very suggestive comments to the fresh bread on the table. The staff thought they were going to be on-hand for an Australian version of American Pie but luckily nothing happened that was caught on video.

Everywhere else, however, was chaos as the mushies had most of my neighbours doing the sorts of things that old folks shouldn't do - well, not in dining halls anyway.

Old Arthur didn't have any of the intoxicating ingredients and so he was fine, just having an enormous laugh while watching the floorshow.

The staff were very unhappy, Matron in particular, and I have heard whispers of putting him in a plaster body cast for a few weeks to pay him back.

Mind you, we the affected are also working on a little pay-back plan and the practical joker had better watch himself.

Now I know for a fact he's a bit of a bed wetter and so we were thinking of turning his electric blanket (he has one the sook) up high and dropping a few diuretics into his milk.

If that doesn't work, the old codger is going to find out that there are some fun things you can do with electrical wiring, a car battery and good solid connection to the water in his toilet. Muhahahahahahahahaha!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com