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More than a Ethical Handful

Now I might have got the wrong end of the old stick here, but my ancient and confused mind can't quite get its way around the latest thing on the Internet.

No, it's not Grandmas in Naughty Knickers, or Daily Dolly Deliveries, or even Fred's Virtual Veges, but an Internet sperm bank.

Needless to say the idea was conceived in Holland - the land of tulips, clogs and dykes - but was the brainchild of an Australian.

Now the main thrust of project is to deliver fresh sperm to recipients within an hour of them hopping online to the site, which is called something like Tout a Teaspoonful.

I'm not sure exactly how it all works although one suggests that it may involve logging in to Grans in Naughty Knickers, a jar and a courier - although in which order pretty much depends upon the courier I guess.

Anyway, while the idea is as sensible as many Internet ventures that have come and gone, couriering non-frozen spermatazoa seems fraught with potential problems.

Firstly there is the slight problem with messiness. I mean what if the jar breaks?

Or how about the condition of the little tadpoles as they squiggle about in some bubble wrap. Will they get too hot or, possibly even worse, too cold?

Are safety checks done on the donors - or does the courier have a little Safe Sperm Starter Kit to make sure all is right and there is nothing nasty infecting the little battlers?

Mind you, if Australians are in need of healthy sperm then I'll be the first one willing to hold my end up. After all, there are at least eight mini-Grumpies running around at the moment and they are all so cute. They look just like me!

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If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com