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Who Said Crims are Stupid?
 The
light's too bright, the light's too bright. Get me some sunglasses,
quickly. Ahhh, that's better.
I don't know how it was done but there I was searching for
Matron in a cupboard when ... all of a sudden ... the door
blew closed and there I was - stuck in with the damn brooms
for two days.
Two days in the darkness cursing bad luck and my own stupidity
for not having had the sense to have a post-curry bathroom
stop.
Anyway, while venting my spleen I tried to recall other acts
of sheer stupidity and found quite a number came to mind.
Thank goodness, I'd hate to be the only silly bugga in this
world.
Check these idiots out.
Empty Top Drawer
A man walked into a 7-11 store, put $20 on the counter and
asked for change. When the assistant opened the cash drawer,
he pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register.
The bandit fled leaving behind his $20 note. The total amount
of cash he got from the drawer - $15.
A Successful Hit
A company called Guns For Hire stages gunfights for Western
movies. One day, staff got a call from a 47-year old woman
who wanted to have her husband killed. Instead, she got 4.5
years in jail.
Cracking Up
Police in New York reported that a man flagged down an unmarked
police car and offered two detectives crack cocaine to drive
him home. According to police, the detectives were just returning
from a drug bust and were wearing blue jackets identifying
them as Suffolk County Police in big white letters.
Holey Hell
A man went into a chemist store, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a face mask over his head. The dopey bugga
then realised that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
Hump-Tea, Dumb-Tea
A German woman found that Oil of Olay was no longer working
for her and so decided that she would bathe in the milk of
a camel (a la Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local
zoo and transported it back to her house - only to discover
that the camel's name was Otto. (We dread to think what would
have happened if she tried to milk it?)
Jerry Canned
A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, showed
up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter
about golf, the customs official realised that the guy did
not know what a handicap (other than stupidity) was. The customs
official then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing,
which he did - backwards! A substantial amount of narcotics
were found in the golf bag.
Dead Neck
A man walked into a South Carolina police station, dropped
a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant
that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who
sold it to him be arrested immediately.
And the winner is...
Two men in Kentucky tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain around it and fixing it to the
bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front
panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. Unfortunately
for them the chain still attached to the machine. Their bumper
was still attached to the chain. And their vehicle's licence
plate was still attached to the bumper.
If there is something that has really got up your nose,
let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com
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