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Tram Nazis Under Fire

Hooray, hooray, hooray. Someone out there seems to be listening. (See Tram Nasties 1 and Tram Nasties 2.)

For anyone who has ever had the misfortune of having to travel on public transport, or has had to put up with Melbourne's Tram Nazis then relief may be at hand from those tossers.

Yes, finally someone seems to have taken notice of the fact that these guys have given themselves extraordinary powers to stop the heinous crime of ... fare-evasion.

Yes, in Melbourne if you are without a tram ticket these would-be stormtroopers will get stuck into you like no self-respecting conductor ever would.

There have been allegations of assault and other violence perpetrated upon travellers as they are monstered by gangs of knuckle-draggers wanting the money.

Last week a person alleged he had been grabbed by the testicles and his head slammed against glass divider during a ticket audit. And another complaint is being looked at where a commuter says his face was pushed into gravel on the ground.

And these are not the first reports of violence against commuters by the Tram Nazis.

(You need to read this slowly to get a feel for the speed of the neanderthals' speech patterns!)

"Duhhhhh, got a ticket?"

"Er, I tried to get one but the machine wasn't working."

"Duhhhhh, no ticket? (biff, poke, smash) duhhhhh ... there are no excuses, duhhhhh ... it's your fault and duhhhhh ... we have to beat you up a bit to show people we're doing our jobs."

"Couldn't you just give me a summons?"

"Duhhhhh, not much fun in that. We get paid **** so we want others to suffer for our lack of ability to earn a living."

"What about fixing the ticket machines so we can buy tickets?"

"Duhhhhh, does not compute. Duhhhhh, money or the fist?"

Anyway, dear readers, the allegations against the TNs have got so bad there will be an inquiry into how they do their jobs.

The worrying thing is that there are moves to boost their powers so they can demand proof of identity. Now, without putting too fine a point on it (and when have I ever been barbed?) that will give these jump-ups cop-like powers. I don't mind the well-trained rozzers asking me for ID, but I'll be sodded if I take that from a low-brow ticket collector.

Is it any wonder I'd prefer to have my goolies squeezed in a ice-cold vice before subjecting myself to the joys of public transport.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com