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Hotter than a vindaloo

Just when you thought things on the subcontinent couldn't get any hotter - bearing in mind the current goings on in Afghanistan - all of a sudden they have.

No, it's not another war, rather a bit of brinkmanship involving the great game of cricket.

The smouldering tensions between India and the world's governing body, the International Cricket Council, have flared again and this time it is looking serious.

The old Indians are spewing that their demi-god, ace batsman and dwarf Sachin Tendulkar was suspended for a game by an English match umpire.

They then refused to play with him as the Test umpire against South Africa and so the ICC withdrew official recognition of the Test. Apart from stuffing up players' career records (nothing in the match being added to their statistics) it has hit one Indian player hard.

Batsman Virender Sehwag was to have missed the Test through suspension, but would have been free to line up against England. Of course with the unofficial Test not counting towards anything, he still has to wait out a match before rejoining the Indian team.

Of course this has made the Indians hotter than a vindaloo and they have stuck two fingers up at the ICC and named the chap in the squad.

Where it heads to from here is anyone's guess but if the Indians don't accept the umpires ruling then there is only one thing to do. Expel them from international cricket.

There's no drama in that. Okay, it may spark a civil war in India, but just think of the benefits other than that.

Australia won't need to play against a team in which Tendulkar always manages to cart us around the ground and score a century an innings.

We won't need to go on arduous tours where the Aussies wear gas masks in the team bus because Shane Warne has packed too many cans of baked beans.

And, most importantly, our guys won't get woken by Indian bookmakers asking for weather details and pitch reports!

As usually good chaps, the Indians need to realise something. Rules are rules and if you don't like sticking to them, don't join the game.

Oh by the way, Jagmohan Dalmiya (big chief of Indian cricket), here's your bat and tampered ball - GO HOME!

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com