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A Weird and Wacky World

Gee ... we live in a funny world. No matter how serious things are with wars, famine, diseases and TV reality shows, there is always something around to amuse those of us with dodgy senses of humour.

Great Ball of China
Now first off lets have a look at a move by Chinese authorities to help stem the tide of SARS sweeping through the land of the Great Wall.

Finally, after however many thousands of years of civilisation, the Chinese have been asked to stop spitting.

Yup, mark that down in the calendar as a historic date. 2003 - the Year of No Hoicking.

And so they bloody should - it is a disgusting habit and should anyone decide to dribble their green-slimy stuff on a street next to me they cop a mouthful ... so to speak.

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They Appeared by Magic
Passing right along we have the tale of an English forklift driver who decided to make a bit of money on the side by stealing just-printed pages from the latest Harry Potter novel.

It seems he found them in the carpark of the printing works he was employed at and decided to sell them to one of those highly moral and ethical UK tabloid papers.

Well, he's off to court - not by Nimbus 2000 either! - and you'd expect, with the evidence against him, he's well and truly forked.

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Dangerous Woman
And how about the case in America where a wife is to appear in court for aggravated battery after her chemically-sensitive hubby (aren't we all) accused her of trying to kill him by burning incense, using air fresheners and dousing herself with perfume.

I have to say that my fifth wife tried the same thing - sort of. She sprayed herself with perfume and danced the Seven Veils - I think she was trying to give me a heart attack!

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Always One Step Further in the NT
Now closer to home we have a serious situation in the Northern Territory where concerns about terrorism are sky high.

So much so that caterers have been banned from providing tax-payer funded kebabs to the porky pollies.

Apparently the instruments of death strike fear into the cholesterol-jammed hearts of the Mambas of Parliament and the poor dears are even a bit suspect about toothpicks!

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Well that's about it for this old geezer - I'm off to have a bottle of cough mixture in a kerosine spa. Ah the luxuries of being old in this great country of ours.

Now rack off.

Grumpy Old Coot has a warped view of life, check him out

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com