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Joining the Good Fellas

It didn't seem possible but, yes, the phone was ringing at 2am. Cursing under the old breath I reached for the phone and answered in a low voice: "What the 2#$#$^&$# do you want? $%#@#$%! you!"

Surprisingly, there was no initial response. Then, after what seemed like an age, a voice said: "Duh ... Grumpy Old Coot? Duh."

"Yeessssssss," I hissed, trying my best to sound as if I didn't really want to jump down the phone and deal most nastily with this cretin. "I am he."

"Duh ... from Australia? ...duh."

"Did you dial some numbers with 613 at the start?"

"Duh ... I think so ..."

"Well then it is *&^%$#@ Australia you moron and it's 2am. What do you want?"

"Duh ... well Mr Coot ... my boss wants to talk to you about some work he wants done."

"Such as?"

"Duh ... well tidying up jobs."

"What?! Cleaning up?! Are you #$#@#$$^%$$# mad? I don't tidy!"

"Duh .... well, it's sort of more than that - here's the boss."

Then from out of the phone came a style of voice and accent that had me sweating. It was nasty New Yoik accent straight out of The Godfather.

"Heya, Grumpy. May I call you Grumpy. Good. Look Grumpy I'm Giovanni "Sweat Like a Pig" Bombasta and have I got an offer for you. We're recruiting new members to the family and want you to join us."

"What family?"

"The Don Maccaroni family, Grumpy, one of New Yoik's toughest bunch of Good Guys."

"Good Guys?"

"Good Guys, Grumpy, Wiseguys, La Cosa Nostra ... Mafioso for Christ Sakes."

"Why me?"

"Well Grumpy, it's like this, we've got a bit of a manpower problem due to the FBI cracking down on us. Our numbers are low and - like your website - our hits are going up. So we want you to help us recruit the sort of guys we'd like to see?"

"And they are...?"

"Well, killers mostly. They need to be able to talk with cotton wool in their mouths and have to be good at knifing, shooting, strangling with wire, setting car bombs and using those machine guns that go ratatatatatatatatatat."

"Ratatatatatatatatatat?"

"You got it. So, can we count on you Grumpy? We'll make it worth your while."

"How so?"

"We'll let you live."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm, tough choice but let me get back to you. What's your number?"

"Okay, New Yoik 666 666 666. Have a nice day. And Grumpy ... mind the time difference when you call back."

To Be Continued...

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com