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Let's Call it Woomera Day

Australia's birthday weekend was a bit of downer, really. Firstly our one-day cricketers played like a team led by Pansie Cronje and threw in the towel against the Kiwis.

The tennis was tolerable but, as usual, only a channel-hopping stop because there was no cricket, or rugby, or footy, or soccer, or golf or ... live tiddlywinks.

I broke my big toe - courtesy of a misdirected dropkick of the coffee table after the first three Australian wickets fell - and the news was taken up with one name that just kept on and on and on appearing.

In fact, if I hear bloody Woomera mentioned one more time I swear to God I'm going to get really nasty and start sending baking soda in the mail to every media outlet there is.

Woomera this, detainees that, protests, media arrests, aaaaaaaaaaah it made you want to puke.

And, it all happened when we were supposed to be enjoying our long Australia Day weekend.

Now call me an uncaring, insensitive ratbag, but if I hear about people sewing their lips together once more I'll fair explode.

When I first heard of this self-mutilating atrocity I thought, eooooowwww, sounds a bit rough. Mental pictures of people putting 30 stitches through the old lips made the skin crawl, but then we discover that, well, there was one stitch - at the side of the mouth.

It's still horrid to think about - excepting if we could do that to politicians, lawyers and constantly yapping do-gooders - but the lips are hardly sewn together are they? Slightly lop-sided more like.

Mind you, the parents that allowed their young ones to indulge in such a barbaric act should be deported immediately - no appeals allowed - for being such scumbags as to bring kids into the action.

Anyway, then there's the terrible condition of the poor old hunger strikers who have been refusing to eat in order to get their visas looked at more quickly. Well, I'd be worried if we weren't putting food and water/tea/coffee on the detainees tables, but aren't they the ones who are on hunger strike? Aren't they turning down food?

Now it may seem this we'll-mutilate-ourselves-more-if-we-don't-get-what-we-want plan by the detainees has worked, as the government has decided to reopen visa examinations for those at Woomera. They had been stopped because of all the rioting that's been going on.

However, I reckon the Immigration Monster is about to pull a move that will settle the problem once and for all.

I'll lay a tenner to a cent that when all of these visa hearings have finished, we'll find that the detainees - who have caused so much trouble to speed the process up - will be on a big silver bird in sky jetting off back to where they came from.

In airspace, no-one can hear you scream.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com