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Wafting in the breeze

Bloody Melbourne! It's not often I utter those words, but the other day - along with more than 4000 other duffers - I got my clothes off and posed nude for the first time in years.

Why do I condemn one of the world's most beautiful cities? Well, it just so happened that after weeks of warm weather (that is above zero degrees) the day the grand shoot occurred it was bleeding freezing.

Now to some it may not matter, but this old geezer has a pride in his appearance and, unfortunately, the cool sea breeze that hurtled in from the south had me thinking that showing my all in public may not be the best time.

It's a chap thing, so to speak, and cold weather does tend to put a bit of a dampener on having the old fellow waving in the breeze.

Anyway, the photographer Spencer Tunick, who specialises in mass nude photos, was out with the hair drier keeping as many as he could looking reasonable before he started clicking.

There we were all shapes and sizes creating the biggest nude session seen in the history of the world.

St Kilda Rd, one of the world-famous boulevards (according to the sign), was fair chockas with arms, tummies, buttocks, breasts and … other bits.

Surprisingly everyone was calm and we bent, twisted and knelt as ordered. It was like one of the nude Twister games we have every so often at the home - although this time around I didn't need half a bottle of cough mixture to get me interested.

Mind you, the grazes on the knees were worse than carpet burns and as for the kind lady who thought my naked bottom would make a good foot warmer - thanks very much you nearly gave me a heart attack!

But, despite the occasional hassle, the event was a marvellous chance for a lot of people to drop their inhibitions and get stuck into a communal feel-good session.

In case any of you are interested in when I last posed nude it was for Jackson Pollock. We had a great time out in the boonies while he painted Blue Poles. If you look at the picture I'm the pole three from the right.

If there is something that has really got up your nose, let Grumpy Old Coot know at grumpy@webwombat.com