Answering Service
This is the transcript of the new answering
service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health
Hotline.
- If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1
repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to
press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities: Press
3, 4, 5 and 6.
- If you are paranoid: We know who you are
and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are delusional: Press 7 and your
call will be transferred to the mother ship.
- If you are schizophrenic: Listen
carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't
matter what number you press - no-one will answer.
- If you are dyslexic: Press
969696969696969696.
- If you have a nervous disorder: Please
fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state
your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security
number, and your mother's maiden name.
- If you have short-term memory loss:
Press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss: Press
9.
- If you have short-term memory loss:
Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.
- If you have low self esteem: Please hang
up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
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